Big shots are just small shots who kept shooting.

Sometimes it is just heartbreaking...

Though it is just those few lines,
I'm wondering
the tone
the expression
and the starting point of your thoughts

Sometimes I really wonder well... saw this quote in my friend's blog...

“The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned.” - William Somerset Maugham

And in her words,

Such is the force that propels us to self-improvement, and such is the force that causes discontentment and despair.

So true, isn't it?

Well, let it put me another way... Nothing can stop one love the other, but that doesn't mean the everyone else is not loved...

Sounds cheem? Even I think so too... haha... anyway great to have my jie3 around to hear me talk all the crap (haha... things have to be bi-directional de rite?)... sorted out my thoughts in a better manner... Was wondering the meaning of "reaching the end of tenure":

ten·ure / Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[ten-yer] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
1. the holding or possessing of anything: the tenure of an office.
2. the holding of property, esp. real property, of a superior in return for services to be rendered.
3. the period or term of holding something.
4. status granted to an employee, usually after a probationary period, indicating that the position or employment is permanent.

zhi zu - hui bu hui fang shou qi shi cai shi yong you... Wondering, wondering.

Just wondering why I couldn't close the door
Just thinking why your gaze makes me sore
Contemplating what I can do
Considering it will never come true

*

Well updates about life? Hmm... for those who wanna know my life, it is a eco-singapore appetizer, indulging in the sweetness of forum planning and volunteer appreciation night... basic dish being 5-day work experience working on a lot of flexibility... and the dessert of 5 tuitions! Basically sat was an all day outing... nice meeting up with huilan who just came back from australia! and becos of us, simin went to the k-ster... lucky got huilan to force her to sing some songs... and well, huilan shows how she is a notch above most singers with her soothing ballads from zhang hui mei and fish leong... haha.... and shouheng k-s! He sings so many songs like a seasoned k-pro lor... haha... his music genes allow him to do so ba... and PS!!! omg... this time he dares to dian3 more songs le... hahaha.... but as usual it is SHE and jay chou's!

So just wanna say Sengkang study group rocks! Even though we've not met up to mug with each other for so longgg... perhaps just the occasional mugging session with my co-founder, shouheng... haha... all the best for ya!

At night went to celebrate shiling and tiong's belated bdays... ok... i think tiong really kept us up... cos most of us are quite tired and wanna go home.... haha... love his funny crapload of ideas... and as for shiling, she looks definitely more relaxed after finishing her exams! Can't imagine all of us will be 21 this year liao... sounds so old xia...

Anyone on for watching F1 together with me on my bday? haha... just a crazy idea.... Wonder I spelt that correctly?

Anyway the chats yesterday with aaron and today's with zhihao... i should say i'm quite happy... cos my heart has one less item of discomfort le... really great to chat with u all on how we should improve on ourselves, which naturally i could draw back on my own experiences, and as I reflect, I realise how much I've changed these years... dunno for the better or worse... of course, it came to a point where we ask ourselves... what's the rationale of our volunteering? what's our take-home incentive for doing so? and even when pipelines for changes come in, can they help? these are some questions which i have avoided, consciously or subconsciously...

Ok... shall not make this a long and naggy entry... I've realised the only thing I wanna say is determination... as I remember those days when I was so sad when my first-choice scholarship (i believe all know it is psc-moe) is gone and medicine rejected me, while joshua thia (still as famous or rather hmm) got his A* when everyday he will just confide in me his fear that he won't end up with A*... then someone told me that i had the determination and passion in me... and that was a very touching moment for me even though it is a sms... or rather an uplifting moment...

coming back to now, i've realised that i'm really lucky to have secured it... and perhaps that time i've been over-worried or wat... i will never forget that sms, or that person who never failed to encouraged me thru all those times (though i've must been pretty irritating)... perhaps the me now after these 2 years will just sit there and wait and wait (since i've been used to the waiting perhaps)...

and how impt is this sense of motivation and determination when doing volunteering work... when i realised that half of the volunteers who signed up are nowhere to be seen and even some ppl who are higher up feel that as they do longer, that sense of motivation tends to wear off... yes, it is true... in army, who can stand doing the same job over and over again for such a long time... but in doing some jobs, esp those that people look up to u for respect and guidance, once it is lost, the identity of the organisation will suffer in its integrity... and all will suffer in the end...

this is similar to research work... u can't find, u find again... u searched already, u REsearch... that's why it is called in this manner and sometimes the lack of results will come... and that shldn't deny u from stopping and finding out more... perhaps the higher powers up there saw my determination and today i'm happy to find two new sites which are related to what i'm finding... haha... lucky perhaps :-)

and what zhihao said is very true... as the head when so many things come, u can't even do one thing right... i'm glad that he's willing to take in the opinions of others... and hope he will learn... probably not as like me thru the really hard way in geogsoc... as what many others said, "leaders aren't supposed to manage people, they ENPOWER people"...

additionally, aaron asked, "why u volunteer?" A seemingly easy question, but of course any answer along the line of "I like environment. I want to do something for the society" has become norm, cliche or even crappish cos it is too common... perhaps that's why esther was chosen as the pres last time and not minhao due to this ba... haha... now i'm also tired of this sort of answer... though personally this is true to me... it was sad to see the earth in this state, temp changes coming, weather changes like mad, rain falls like crazy... and people are still in the comfort zone, not realising that being aware is not enough... yep, just nice can advertise the forum... will be held on 15th march... as public can register thru me as i'm the participant management coordinator... hahaha... to know more can find out thru the website that will be up soon at the eco website...

but of course aaron will not be impressed with this answer... imagine an envt veteran hearing this sort of answer will be equal to me listening to a "I love envt" talk... haha... and here i'm stuck... honestly, if u really love the envt, one can start a recycling project, do your small little part at home saving electricity and reducing use of plastics and materials, and doesn't really need to go to the extent of going eco... personal benefits? in terms of management? in terms of knowing more abt myself and others? well... even aaron can't find the answer... so i shall slowly explore these days until i give myself a reflection exercise...

and i hope u know that i have never stopped waiting... I can't understand why someone of this calibre deserves that position...

Now I shall just safely tread in the waters, and wait for things to happen. Yes, one knows I seldom wait for things to happen... usually the one who makes things happen by accidentally divulging some "top-secrets" innocently or doing a lot of stuff so that the seemingly "inevitable" won't reach us so far...

But this time, I shall wait...

Because I can't be bothered to shield someone who doesn't shield me... 2 interesting snippets in life:

Was just feeling a strange bit of weirdness as I was filling up the volunteer registration form, even though i'm like in the organisation for 2 months and already implanted myself in two of the committees, actively involved in different levels of operations le?

Is it the part on adminstration that's really getting people to get more organised? or is it just a hurdle that slows down everything and deemed redundant by the very people who are supposed to monitor the figures and statistics?

i really wonder... systems should be in place for us to control and manipulate, since they are there to help us... it is sometimes likewise felt when we're playing bridge... when u may occasionally hear comments from the other tables, "hey partner, i bid this way because our system doesn't allow me to express the distribution this nicely" when people become too aggressive and bid overly in their impression of a likely complementary distribution... for example in this case, the pair may have been manipulated instead by the system itself, or it is just an excuse for the poor guy who may be just scolded like mad for giving a swing away... and this shouldn't occur at all... after all, u've wasted so much efforts in designing a lousy system that gets u nowhere and u have to be suffering under it...

**

ok... and a very interesting conversation took place among personnel T, S, B and O.

O: B, check the day today.
B: 12th ya?
O: B, is today your birthday? (controls laughter!)
B: Oh yah... it is my birthday! (21st birthday somemore fyi)
T&S: Are you sure or not? You sound as though like bluffing like that...
T: Oh... it should be correct... Anyway just take out your IC...
All: *Gasp* wow! your birthday ah!
O: We should have gone to fish n co for lunch ah... haha... listen to the great birthday rap...

haha... this conversation is a really big contrast to some who really thought that birthday is *the ultimate day* for them... after all when u think from another angle, birthday is just yet another day in your life... doesn't mean that day u will become the king or wat (btw the fear that something bad like water parade or whatsoever will take place is negligible, since we are all civilians)... Well... After talking to some-godly-who's-not-to-be-named, i've finally decided to just change my blog, having thought of this idea way back last year when some have pointed out that

1. either the font is too lousy
2. the whole page cannot be loaded at all
3. the music, which some may comment it's nice at the start, is a pollutant as it comes to the later months in september
4. no photos, no pictures, no juicy news (in the words of the-special-one)... anyway is there anything got to do with my poor reception at the blog? i'm free to type what i want rite?

Ok... at least to my loyal readers, whom I believe there are, perhaps hiding behind their computers, laughing at those posts while refusing to comment though i have told them if u wanna say, then can say over the blog de... I shall offer you more... hehe... reminds me of the 'my paper' revolution... from purely chinese to bilingual... Here's wat i intend to write over the blog. Any revision will be made as according to the unpredicalities of my mood and decisions though:-

1. I am not a big actor/minister/shot/whatever... so I'll not be putting down exactly what I do on this day, what I do on that day... Instead u will be conVINced that I'll put in more of my opinions in things that's happened, rather a simple narration of happenings...

2. I am not the editor of my paper (neither YOUR paper), so I won't be offering bilingual editions, which will also implicate that I have to type double the amount of content over here...

btw, just a small opinion of mine... since now my paper has expanded to a 64 page free circulation paper, and so many copies are distributed to us each day, perhaps u can see the generosity of sponsors here (each page doesn't cost cheap, perhaps corporate sponsors can come and look for eco... we offer cheaper and more effective ways of carrying your logos)

... and how many tonnes of paper are being wasted just like that... just like how half of those retrieved on the shuttle bus after we've alighted from the bus (i hope the driver won't throw it away simply, give to karang guni man still earn some money rite?)... and now today looks pathetically thin, in comparison to those days when today is much thicker...

ok... one may be thinking... aiyoh... paper can recycle.. can just use and use and use... as long as it is renewable source safe la... actually it is a big NO. cos to effectively help to cut down waste of resources, what we shld ultimately do is to reduce our usage, as inevitably a lot of energy and manpower will be used in recycling as well... so my blog still better than my paper ah... haha...

Well enough of rambling abt what the new blog will promise... now onto my 2008 resolution:-
1. Seek to be patient and understanding of others at ALL times(esp when I get tired, easily these days, and things get wrong, my mind sometimes will get to think that the fault must be becos of some people... and sometimes i get so cranky that i really disapprove of those actions)
2. Be more hardworking and slack less as school will be starting this year, and for sure, it won't be easy for the path ahead, three grueling years awaiting...
3. Spend time with my dear family (if my sis won't end up in the same sch as me, then i won't see her, except in hols, for yet another 3 years? and of course my dear mum and dad) and friends (well, some are flying already... very soon... while some are coming back!)
4. Learn song-writing and guitar (i guess this has been on my agenda for 3 consecutive years... any of my musically-talented friends can help me out in this area? It is so sad that my compositions will only get played on the keyboard on one tune, the others will say the tune is nice, but i can't play and sing the lyrics at the same time... haha... anyway nice songs are only that handful in my compositions)
5. Play the best bridge with my dear partner for our last fixed year in partnership (i won't bother explaining this... haha... anyway i have a future partner in mind le... and he agreed as well)
6. Plan well and cope well for the Europe trip (which will be really a test for me, since my buddies are all looking at me as though i noe everything... which is really OMG lor!! and this includes studying German, kenna this language haha, but it is quite interesting las)
7. Make more friends wherever I go! And meet each and every of my friend if it is truly possible... (well i was quite impressed by some junior guy whom i won't mention, who greeted me and i knew him... wanted to return my greetings and he said"wrong person"... diaozz!)
8. Learn how to be really independent (I guess I'll be forced to by then... I've survived 1 month before, so just multiply this by 8?)
9. Stay healthy at all times!
10. Stay happy at all times!

(9 and 10 looks simple, but they are the most impt i think!)

Feel free to comment on my blog please!

28 September 1987
21
HIPS | TCHS | HCI | NS | Homerton, Cambridge
Outgoing, fun-loving, pro-environment

Less homework
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