Wednesday, January 16, 2008 @ 11:28 PM: Reminiscence
Wonder I spelt that correctly?
Anyway the chats yesterday with aaron and today's with zhihao... i should say i'm quite happy... cos my heart has one less item of discomfort le... really great to chat with u all on how we should improve on ourselves, which naturally i could draw back on my own experiences, and as I reflect, I realise how much I've changed these years... dunno for the better or worse... of course, it came to a point where we ask ourselves... what's the rationale of our volunteering? what's our take-home incentive for doing so? and even when pipelines for changes come in, can they help? these are some questions which i have avoided, consciously or subconsciously...
Ok... shall not make this a long and naggy entry... I've realised the only thing I wanna say is determination... as I remember those days when I was so sad when my first-choice scholarship (i believe all know it is psc-moe) is gone and medicine rejected me, while joshua thia (still as famous or rather hmm) got his A* when everyday he will just confide in me his fear that he won't end up with A*... then someone told me that i had the determination and passion in me... and that was a very touching moment for me even though it is a sms... or rather an uplifting moment...
coming back to now, i've realised that i'm really lucky to have secured it... and perhaps that time i've been over-worried or wat... i will never forget that sms, or that person who never failed to encouraged me thru all those times (though i've must been pretty irritating)... perhaps the me now after these 2 years will just sit there and wait and wait (since i've been used to the waiting perhaps)...
and how impt is this sense of motivation and determination when doing volunteering work... when i realised that half of the volunteers who signed up are nowhere to be seen and even some ppl who are higher up feel that as they do longer, that sense of motivation tends to wear off... yes, it is true... in army, who can stand doing the same job over and over again for such a long time... but in doing some jobs, esp those that people look up to u for respect and guidance, once it is lost, the identity of the organisation will suffer in its integrity... and all will suffer in the end...
this is similar to research work... u can't find, u find again... u searched already, u REsearch... that's why it is called in this manner and sometimes the lack of results will come... and that shldn't deny u from stopping and finding out more... perhaps the higher powers up there saw my determination and today i'm happy to find two new sites which are related to what i'm finding... haha... lucky perhaps :-)
and what zhihao said is very true... as the head when so many things come, u can't even do one thing right... i'm glad that he's willing to take in the opinions of others... and hope he will learn... probably not as like me thru the really hard way in geogsoc... as what many others said, "leaders aren't supposed to manage people, they ENPOWER people"...
additionally, aaron asked, "why u volunteer?" A seemingly easy question, but of course any answer along the line of "I like environment. I want to do something for the society" has become norm, cliche or even crappish cos it is too common... perhaps that's why esther was chosen as the pres last time and not minhao due to this ba... haha... now i'm also tired of this sort of answer... though personally this is true to me... it was sad to see the earth in this state, temp changes coming, weather changes like mad, rain falls like crazy... and people are still in the comfort zone, not realising that being aware is not enough... yep, just nice can advertise the forum... will be held on 15th march... as public can register thru me as i'm the participant management coordinator... hahaha... to know more can find out thru the website that will be up soon at the eco website...
but of course aaron will not be impressed with this answer... imagine an envt veteran hearing this sort of answer will be equal to me listening to a "I love envt" talk... haha... and here i'm stuck... honestly, if u really love the envt, one can start a recycling project, do your small little part at home saving electricity and reducing use of plastics and materials, and doesn't really need to go to the extent of going eco... personal benefits? in terms of management? in terms of knowing more abt myself and others? well... even aaron can't find the answer... so i shall slowly explore these days until i give myself a reflection exercise...
and i hope u know that i have never stopped waiting...
thank you for bringing me memories...
