A Place For Sweet Memories

the coming of a new year

2011-12-31T23:04:00.002+08:00

Reflections about 2011:

How time flies. Now 24, and next year 25 and life throwing surprises and shocks along the way.

Here's a bit of what happened in 2011 (in no particular order):-

1. "A Love Story in Cambridge" musical

Somehow started by Puisan and me in late 2010, and somehow things looked from rather unclear when we started without prior experience and resources, things looked better in 2011 when the songs, script and cast was fixed. But a lot more work was needed, especially in terms of the rehearsals, adminstrative issues, translation work, ticketing and publicity, etc... And despite some hiccups nearing the musical when thoughts of giving up creep in, I was glad that I persevered and saw the pet project to completion. But really kudos to the entire team who worked effortlessly for the project... saikang warriors like Zhi Chen, Weijun and so so many people who really worked so hard behind the scenes despite the busy schoolwork... And now really looking forward to the musical in 2012 and beyond!

2. The comradeship and guidance during the Cambridge days

It was not easy in the first few months handling the daily running of the musical rehearsals and admin issues while still on 5 B courses and 5 C courses, but I really had my supervisors, seniors and batchmates to thank for, especially my DOS who allowed me to delay my supervision progress and also Xianjun who especially allowed me to catch up on some courses which I had signed up late for. Last but not least, Samson has especially been a great help, without whom I would have spent more hours at some work.

3. The holidays

Having survived a bad holiday period in Italy and Turkey in 2010, 2011 seemed a better year for holidays. Went to Spain and Portugal at the start of the year and it was really one of the best holidays I had in my undergrad days, staying free from the hospital but most importantly getting to know more about my travel mates. Went to Brugge for a short trip in Easter to recover from some of the busy days in Lent term, and after the exams a short trip around Europe to revisit some of the areas that I have loved like Amsterdam. And especially grateful for the end-of-the-year trip back to Cebu for some recharging of batteries. But I guess what's more impt about the trips is the opportunity to know more about yourself and to see how different places in the world are like without tinted glasses.

4. Graduation!

Finally graduated and left with a bit of reluctance as most of my batch mates are into the 4th year and most of the juniors are still there... but things always have to move on. It seems like a whirlwind when I walked into the Senate House and listened to some murmuring from the college principal and there I was, graduated!

5. Research Work

Am very grateful for the current nice mentor I am having... nothing much I can ask for really in the lab!

New Year Resolutions:-

1. Be more sensitive towards friends and people!
2. 2 papers.
3. 3 holiday trips (incl hopefully one for interview)
4. Stay healthy and happy everyday!

2011-10-04T23:44:00.002+08:00

When things are pretty obvious, and words are not truthful but just some mere anasthetic, I guess there's no more point in it at all.

Thanks for all the sweet memories but it is time to forget about all the pain.

Overseas education

2011-09-20T10:52:00.004+08:00

I guess it is time to update my blog (other than chieh who else are reading this please shout out to me on msn/wall/fb? :P), especially in my one day mc with a half infectious eye now thanks to the diligent application of the eyedrop.

Was reading blogs by H and L on overseas education and singsocs (the shortforms of names inspired by the very one who likes to give names to other ppl) and I can't help but feel just a bit nostalgic about CUMSA, the very organisation that I've been with for more than 2 years and the knowledge that our distance will grow apart in the coming years just makes me miss those good times we had.

The necessity of singsocs overseas? Or basically country-based organisations? Both viewpoints iterated by two different points in the spectrum - one is a current comm member while the other is a non-member whom in my impression is friendly and approachable. It feels like doing a GRE essay (or social studies) looking at the merits and demerits of the system and trying to come out with a balanced viewpoint though I have to admit that I am inherently biased.

First, I would like to debunk the total unnecessary presence of such organisations in overseas universities as purported by L. It is of paramount importance to note that there are many different kinds of people in the world. Some people may be more adequately adaptable to different personalities and values, and are accomodating to contrasting viewpoints and criticisms. These are the pple who will benefit fully by exposing themselves to a wide range of people out there, learning more about each other in terms of cultures, disciplines and probably good contacts for the future. However, not everyone is made of steel. Where some efforts of friendships have been made, and these people remain as hi-bye friends they may not persevere in reaching out to pple of different values and will stick to those who share more similar thinking and approaches to life. Here, I am not assuming that if you are from the same country or region you will have the same values with your countrymen, but there is always this higher probability of having such occurence, considering that in the case of Singaporeans in Cambridge, most are from HC or RI which basically meant a rather homogeneous mix. And this is where the associations come in, acting as a comfort zone for many to recharge and refuel before they venture out into new friendships, the mind-boggling questions and intensive essays or basically find solace and comfort.

Acting as an important base for freshers to explore fully the cambridge life, the friendships made before going there would give a certain headstart in terms of social life. In terms of like getting about, having lecture mates, etc. It has been especially useful to have listening ears about problems you face and situations where it meant a lot of help is needed (you wouldn't get someone relatively unknown to help you move luggages and boxes right?). However don't get me wrong. Coming overseas means that we should go right out and mix with the locals. But always take note it comes at the expense of additional energy required (especially if you are an introvert) having to approach new pple with new mindsets; or that they have different definitions to friendships.

I am glad that in my first year in Homerton, not many Singaporeans are there. In fact K (or affectionally called Jinbao) was my only senior there with W as my neighbour. These gave me the platform (or necessity rather) to make friends with pple from all different countries (but mainly natscis cos we shared slightly similar values) or from badminton. However, it was precisely this need for affirmation of values that I became heavily involved in CUMSA matters as well, and the natsci gang had helped me survive many incidents that occured throughout. Which is why I am of the view that you aren't restricting yourselves to only a singaporean context, but you are having the additional comfort zone when you are in CUMSA. And that has been really useful and essential to me. And also thanks to that, I have then the energy to make really good friends who are not from the Singaporean/Malaysian circles either in bridge, badminton, college or course mates =)

2011-06-02T02:43:00.001+08:00

it is five more days to the exams and i realised i am so inadequately prepared!!!

freaking out!

2011-05-19T18:20:00.001+08:00

really seeks motivation.

feels so drained and shagged!!!

argghghghghgh

Voting in five hours!

2011-05-06T17:32:00.005+08:00

This post is fully intended to be a private post, and merely fully on my personal point of view.

I remembered it was just one month ago, I had been really wary of typing my first blog post on politics in Singapore, though that self-censorship still remained a very much part in me, I have seen many of my friends openly sharing their views, either supporting the current establishment or leaning towards the alternative parties for this election. This awareness should not be based on biased views towards certain people or certain incidents, but it should be one where you decide the future of your country and how it is navigated; and collectively it can make a difference.

Let me sidetrack a bit. Those who know me would know that I have been involved actively in an environmental NGO in the form of ECO Singapore before I entered university and had to step down from my duties mainly cos I would be based outside of Singapore for the undergrad years. (I do go back when possible to lend a hand if needed). There were times when we actively pushed for youths to remind the public in general that each of their little action helps - for example if everyone were to use an energy-saving light bulb, the energy saved up would be enough to reduce the amt of power generation required using increasingly depleted natural resources, etc. Then some members of the public would tell me, "Aiyah you all do like that token action no use one la. You know my neighbour switches on aircon everyday waste how much energy u know..." Indeed, everyone has to take a step towards it, and never underestimate the power of collective action in pushing for something mindful of the positive benefits it can generate.

Likewise, I hope the opening up of the political sphere marks just this sort of beginning for every Singaporean, where they will realise that every of their little voice can be heard and Singapore should move forward as a collective voice with everyone having a sense of ownership in it. A Singapore where people feel a sense of belonging to, respect each other's viewpoints and achieve a consensus on various issues, a society that prides on educating moral values such as integrity and honesty and most importantly a home where people can feel truly at home. It is this small step that we have to take, to break out of the mould that certain parties will be truly and always right in implementing policies, to break out of the perceptions that one needs to oppose for the sake of opposition, and that we can make a difference and great contribution to shape our future. The underlying theme is that we have to make sure humanity is in place, when each person is able to treat the other as if he or she is his or her own and everyone knows their place in society and is not left out. (Sorry that I am an idealist, you have to pardon me on my idealistic views)

To everyone, let me restate my political views - I would support a party that truly cares for people, one that will guide us out of the challenging times ahead, a party that is able to listen to the people and allow their own people to shape the destiny of the nation and one that plays pride in morals. Well, you may say I am an idealist (again!), how could there not be dirty tricks in politics? But a man who honours what he says, respects his opponents and views another as an equal is definitely one who is worth your respect. And most likely will not stop short at bringing you the voice.

Hereby, I can't help but admire some of the MPs who have been in the parliament advocating for particular issues and lobbying hard despite repeated turndowns from the parliament. You may expect me to name a few people from the opposition parties, well I am sure you guys have been sick of all those pro-oppo examples, but let me raise up a few pple who have been instrumental. One. Lily Neo... my mum used to say she is like a vase in the parliament, but until I heard her speeches, I could not believe how hard she was fighting for more money under the assistance schemes, and you can see the fiery eyes in her when she lobbied for more assistance. Likewise for MPs like Irene Ng, who had pushed hard for the bicycle tracks in Tampines... However, it has also not escaped my attention that I never see some MPs making speeches, falling asleep or not even attending the parliamentary sitting while proclaiming to be a voice in the parliament. I just hope that the voters are discerning enough regarding these issues.

As for those who have stepped out to the dangerous world of opposition politics, a big salute to them as well. People like Nicole Seah reminded many young Singaporeans that you can actively take part in the country's affairs and make an impact in it, rather than just complaining whole day abt jobs being snatched up by foreigners, or that little assistance is given to the elderly. People like Chen Show Mao and Tan Jee Say had reignited in many the passion for one's country, to even step down from really high-paying jobs at their peak of the career in order to arrest some of the moral issues that they thought had plagued the current establishment. The risks are high, with the returns almost guaranteed to be zero, and it was lack of glamour. A wrong word, you might get sued for defamation and there goes ur good life in Singapore. Indeed such motivation is already enough to convince me of their conviction for the Singaporeans.

As for moral issues, well I would say:-

1. If you have done something wrong, at least be sorry about it. Do not play your handphone while your boss is doing the apology for you at the very least.

2. If you have done something right, do not heap too much praise on yourselves. Be humble and sincere about it, and discerning people will see it and spread the good word for you. (for example I do see a lot of Hougang residents stepping out and telling their friends that Hougang is not a slum and is well-managed amidst those accusations)

3. Dirty tricks should not be employed to discredit some people (this applies both ways), where a fight should be honourable and gentlemanly with people's very concerns at the heart.

I hope for whoever is reading the blog entry will help you understand better regarding my stand. You may say "some parties have no substance and their policies are not solid..." Before you comment that, I really advise you to look through their rally speeches thoroughly and read thru their manifestos and arguments on the websites before making the decisions. If you are not fully aware of the policies they suggest at hand and make such sweeping remarks, then my advice is probably just listen to your friends during discussions rather than acting like a pro and slamming the other side with very general and sweeping comments. Remember after all, we are interested in our nation's future and it is constructive feedback that will help.

what i learnt about myself

2011-05-03T20:56:00.002+08:00

As much as I would not want to join in the endless note writings on facebook, now I'm typing an entry on a bit of my views regarding me and the GE (I would not say who I am voting for and why... and I wouldn't want to sway any opinions anyway, since we are entitled to our own views and judgement)

It is a GE that I have paid a lot of attention to. I remember ever since the boundaries report was released by the Elections Dept, I went to analyse the different pockets and districts in which each falls under, and realised a few big changes, not only the much-hyped moving of 20,000 odd oppo ground from aljunied to ang mo kio, but also the splitting up of a few SMCs in sengkang (which houses voters who just got their new flats ten to five years ago at more reasonable prices), and the creation of Nee Soon GRC where it was suspected that a few SMCs there may have oppo presence increased there... among some other observations where Bukit Panjang is an odd looking constituency (my friend stays in Bt Panjang and is in Holland-Bt Timah) and Joo Chiat is not exactly the real Joo Chiat and shld be called Siglap. I remember days of scrutiny at the oppo candidates which are really surprising, people like Chen, Vincent to Tan joining the fray, setting the stage for an exciting elections.

Ok... now I shall go back to the topic abt myself and the GE and what I have learnt abt the GE!

1. I realise truly that I am an idealist, and a lot of my thoughts confirmed that.

In believing a world where parties can monitor each other, a world where the poorest will be covered and not subject to painful circumstances, a world where jobs will always be there for locals to take up, I am an idealist. Knowing that it is almost impossible to achieve, but at least an effort should be made towards achieving these ideals as a government in my opinion.

2. My values have been based on sincerity, frankness (accountability) and true conviction with no hypocrisy.

How I got angry with online smearing of candidates, how I hated discussions which went off course about how one should vote according to their upgrading priority, how the lack of humility on some part of the candidates really made me wonder what gave them the right to do so. And reflecting on myself to know what truly ticks me and what I admire in people - the very sense of willingness to do things they truly want to do, the desire to help the less privileged.

3. Further believing in my conviction that a life can only be considered a life if you are not living only to live - one has to live to serve a purpose - be it for the big aspirations of helping the poor and less privileged, doing research for the particular breakthrough, living to love others and revelling in the joy when you know you make someone's day. If one is to survive to just see money coming in and enjoying his/her life in the riches without considering the rest around u, I wouldn't be so envious of it.

2011-04-29T03:49:00.003+08:00

It has been a long time since someone's views can resonate so strongly in my heart, and it is someone so random, so far away; someone whom I have never spoken to directly face-to-face in my life.

I guess the crux of today's convo was regarding trust. The very sense of trust which we have so much installed in other pple, as a key element in building up friendships, and there were times when the trust was breached and probably the expectations of some people that we have met are not fulfilled. I guess I had been expecting too much from people close to me, and I had put in so much of my trust that I realised that when things are not in the right way, disappointment can set in very easily, and managing disappointment (even though it may be no fault of the other party) is not easy.

Once a friend had told me that I had expected too much out from the friendship and I had tried to lower expectations. I guess it made me less gloomy, and allowed me to look forward. But I guess putting in trust, and at the same time, not expecting anything, is too hard to fulfil. But I will never stop believing in friendships and putting in trust in people, as that is the only way relationships and friendships can be built upon. Though hurt may come, I guess the true reward in getting a real good friend is still too sweet for me to resist.

2011-04-22T10:46:00.002+08:00

for unknown reasons I just can't sleep.

I'm not sure sometimes. Like whether some of my friends know me well enough.

Some would see me as the ultimate mugger.

Some probably would know that I am very thoughtful and would look into issues of theirs with a sensitive eye.

Some would perhaps think that I am the happy man who will always crack lame jokes in a crowd and be the total extrovert who won't shy from anything u wanna me to do.

Perhaps some may stay long enough with me to realise I am a very idealistic person with a core set of values that define me.

And sometimes my way of putting things right and being a bit confrontational and judgemental (I shall say it is a characteristic of Libran) may lead to unnecessary arguments and misunderstanding.

But somehow I feel my life has lacked something for quite a long time. The sense of accomplishment at the end of the musical, the sense of gratitude and happiness that my protein crystal was being analysed at the Diamond, the sense of helping the freshers out and integrating them to the community here or the very sense of leading the people in the environmental group to do simple things like collecting pledges, or organise big events, or the really sense of happiness when I know I have made the difference in someone's life.

Meanwhile I shall be less emotional and try to get myself to sleep.

Good night.

Dissecting my thoughts

2011-04-21T21:29:00.002+08:00

The GE is knocking at the doorstep, and Singaporeans, partly, are getting excited about it.

It is probably the most exciting election that is heading to Singapore in my lifetime, not that I am previously politically apathetic (for good reasons I was born in Hougang and attended quite a few of those rallies which I do not completely understand the policies and stuff that they were campaigning about), not that it is the first time I get to vote (well to say a bit cos I know my vote might be able to save the oppo their fair share of deposit if I vote for the oppo, or be that deciding vote that tips one side over the other), but I guess it is a time when more people are aware of the issues that really concern them and are getting heightened about them.

It has been highly publicised and known that countries in this globalised world today are facing problems on their own kind... inflation in the world, housing price bubbles in US, economy collapses in Ireland and Greece... and Singapore is at the crossroads of such challenges that every country is facing. As MG(Ret) Chan of PAP mentioned in his 'gusto' hokkien soldier style speech, big countries require good leadership, small countries require exceptional leadership. It is of imperative importance that we look at each of the candidates more carefully and make our decisions based on national interests, rather than the usual 'upgrading carrots' or 'national stability' that we have to talk about.

Back to the topic on challenges that Singapore is facing these days. I'm sure pretty many of our citizens are facing challenges in the following areas: Housing, living costs, costs to bring up children, retirement age, living space, job opportunities, etc. To allow and spur Singapore growth, Singapore has been known to spearhead the foreign 'talent' import scheme (from merely talents, which all singaporeans accept, to low-end and middle-class employees which affect a lot of livelihoods in singapore and suppress wages). It was a rushed decision without any consultation from the ground; discussions are at best talked down to public with little feedback being implemented in subsequent policies. As a result, living space is compromised, the Singaporean identity is diulted and housing prices are escalated to new heights with new measures coming in too late and too ineffectual to arrest the rise. Even though on the merits side, Singapore is able to keep wages low and keep big corporations in Singapore surviving with low human costs, this may not be the best solution in the long run as eventually we can't compete with large countries with lots of human labour willing to take in the jobs more cheaply and thus is simply not sustainable. Another scheme that Singapore brought in - casinos - allowed Singapore to grow, but at what costs? and is it going to sustain us in the future?

Not just addressing the economy issues, socially, it has been getting more and more unaffordable for young couples to own their own, not even say raise up kids and allow the fertility rate to be at a replacement level of 2.1. It is a tad ridiculous when the previous generation with 2/5 of the income of the typical singaporean couple needs 1/3 of the housing loan period to own a typical HDB flat (based on some examples I have seen in my friends and some pple). What about education costs? Food prices? Oil prices? They can only go up (to reflect rising oil prices which increase at a much lower pace)... and Singapore will eventually be a good and safe place for rich pple to live in, but a growing class of poor who may find themselves highly educated but struggling to meet the ends.

I guess these are the main issues and challenges that each political party should look at and address the populace, rather than critisizing and doubting each's ability to perform. Policies are needed to bring the country forward, and not dirty politiking. But if the PAP would say their last 5 years has been a stellar report card, that's where I really really could not fathom and get my blood pressure rising.

I am a very values person, someone who is principled on certain ideals. And I am super anti-hypocrisy for all those who know me. When some things are wrong, admit them, do a post-mortem with everyone, learn from the mistakes and move on. No point deceiving yourselves that you are doing a good job, award yourselves, and slam others for no track record. I guess no track record is better than lousy track record in some cases, esp if they reflect yourselves to be insensitive, hypocritic and complacent in the eyes of many. I guess that is the quality that many should look for, and prefer, in their candidates. Whether they are sincere in benefiting the nation, whether they have the vigour to serve the nation's (and not party's) interests and whether they are modest enough to know that they are the true servants of the public and view them with respect and not as dumb citizens.

The above pts I do mention also point highly as to how I lead my life. Be modest, listen to others' opinions, sincere and forthcoming!

Politics Part 2

2011-04-07T01:54:00.003+08:00

Here's a further blog entry to note of my increasing attention and interest about politics (towards Singapore of course) relative to studying over the Easter break.

Recently, there was this forum that took place and a student asked the Prime Minister regarding why Hougang residents do not have upgrading. And well the PM was candid enough to admit that wards that vote for the PAP would enjoy their privileges, and well, too bad that every ward still has to pay taxes and do National Service.

Comments on forums and blogs weren't kind, probably the mainstream media mentioned just briefly about it, with some commentators on the govt-controlled media especially kind to point out that such stuff are necessary and normal. Probably very sweetened comments as though nothing is happening on the ground.

Probably not many will be aware of how PM has been very candid, that how he needs to screw the oppo if more are elected into office and therefore he can't concentrate on doing his work (which from another point of view, you have to say as a politician you always have to fight for your long-term existence, so not exactly wrong but to say it in a rally it is really NOT politically correct), or that how American presidents earn much more outside their systems of paying (which well in singapore's case was 10 times more and was funded by taxpayers money and not via consumerism).

Is Singapore heading towards a democracy? No.

Is what a one-party governance will ensure long-term survival of Singapore? I doubt. Then again, there are always those oppo parties, but realistically how many seats will they win?

Again, a worrisome sight for Singaporeans, especially for the younger generation.

Recently, I was in a bridge match and chatting with a few old guys from the other team. They asked me, "Is Singapore a democracy?" after they enquired Singapore about being a nice, green and clean city-state with good economic progress. I replied "socialist democracy" with one dominant party, and the guys said after a few more exchanges... "wow, I think it is more like a cooperate world with a few rich men and a lot of poor men. Young man, you are indeed a lucky man to make it here."

I smiled, but beneath the smile, it was this worry that long-term leadership was left yearning for.

on politics

2011-04-01T19:14:00.003+08:00

As I got bored on chemistry (specifically atmospheric chemistry due to its laborious equations involved), I have stumbled upon Straits Times and started to look at the new PAP candidates who were touted to be the '4th generation leaders'. Naturally, as someone who is inherently interested in geopolitics (I do read widely in terms of different political situations and systems), I started to take a short study break (or I had intended to) and look at what the candidates had to offer ad whether our country would be in the right hands. After all, it is an unspoken truth that quite a substantial number of PAP leaders usually get in via the GRC 'backdoor' given the lack of opposition members to run for the GRCs and would especially avoid some GRCs that they knew chances of winning are slim.

First up on the list, as recorded that day, was Tin Pei Ling. 27 years old (wow only 3 years older than me!), NUS graduate and working in some accountancy firm. Looks like a typical Singaporean girl who went through the system and getting a job, so what's so special abt her? There, I started to read that she was involved in grassroots activities ever since a coffeeshop session at her dad's kopitiam, and there was no turning back. Seriously 7 years and fast-tracked to politics so fast? Really impressive, and I decided to, okay, look for alternative sources of information since in Social Studies, it was always taught that we had to have a balanced point of view. And those things really don't impress me (well politics are meant to be a way of life where your personal life is gonna be scrutinised), and addressed some of my initial suspicions. Especially reading her entry on Globalisation and Poverty, about how income gaps are not govt's fault, and her steps are that govt shld help the poorest (with those existing schemes somemore)... lots of fluff and lack of depth (especially talking abt the biggest regret = cannot bring mum to universal studios)... I wonder what's gonna come from her mouth next. But still she's most likely to go into the Parliament given that she's gonna be in Marine Parade, and I see no chance of DPP winning there (perhaps her presence will help DPP save on the deposit)

Other candidates weren't impressive either. Especially looking at Dr. Janil's reply today made me boil. When 'blasted' by the 'anti-establishment' netizens about him not doing national service and him commenting that he has done 10 years of national service as a doctor and would highly demand others take pride in the real NS, he really missed the point. Well, I'm not gonna elaborate about how NS is a big sacrifice for a lot, hated by a lot, though I would say it has been a fruitful personal experience for me. But still memories of how my two comrades got killed in NS had definitely stayed in my mind, along my friends in the unit, and how could you cheapen NS to this extent. Seriously not in touch with half of the local population?

Realistically analysing the current trends, it would really be a big surprise that the non-ruling parties could stand to win a significantly larger number of seats. Wasn't impressed by who SDP and SF are introducing, and the stronger parties who would have a chance at the seats would only be WP, prob SPP and RP combined. And well, let's put our fingers crossed that the 'promising and high-calibre' 4th generation leaders would learn more and be more sensitive on the ground.

Oh yes... I kept seeing the terms about youth's political apathy. At this point, I just couldn't help laugh at how Ms Tin related 'Japanese earthquake as my friends were acutely aware of global issues'. It took quite a bit of courage for me to type this (after all I am not impressed with someone introduced by the party who is partially related to my future job), and I'm pretty sure that on the ground, everyone is watching and we are having meaningful conversations about them. I guess for all, sometimes it is just safe not to err on the side of caution or that taking any action wouldn't help the cause anyway. And for truly passionate people who would really want to fight for their fellow citizens, their appetites had been much reduced at how much they could do to help and thus would not want to step out. But seriously looking at the new candidates make me worry, and as a civic-conscious citizen of Singapore, I worry. To those candidates, I hope you guys can prove me wrong.

2011-03-29T21:20:00.000+08:00

我不是一定要你回來，
只是當又把回憶翻開，
除了你之外的空白，
還有誰能來教我愛。

2011-03-09T08:22:00.002+08:00

探頭看著窗外　終點被地平線藏起來　
目標在往前改　
天際無限展開‭　‬壞景色很快就被替代　
經過了才明白　

幸運不能被安排　
加速算不算耍賴　

不想再等待追現在就起飛我要去體會　
你每個歡笑和淚水　
追　累也無所謂　陪我去追　
我喜歡你在我周圍　

捷徑或許存在　我們也沒想過找路牌　
決定方向　就不改　
探險就要展開我有預感愛就快要來　
你的心我明白　

幸運不能被安排　
加速算不算耍賴　

不想再等待　追　現在就起飛　
我要去體會　你每個歡笑和淚水　
追　累也無所謂　
陪我去追　我喜歡你在我周圍　

追　抬頭看窗外　卻不知所在　
目標往前改‭　‬方向不許改　
探險在展開　愛就快要來　
不說也明白　不說也會明白

孙燕姿新歌当冬夜渐暖

2011-02-23T02:48:00.001+08:00

很多事情　不是誰說了就算
即使傷心　結果還是自己擔
多少次失望表示著多少次期盼
事實證明　幸福很難

我們之間　不是誰說了就算
拉扯的愛　徒增結局的難堪
一百次相愛只要有一次的絢爛
下一次　會更勇敢

當冬夜漸暖　
當大海也不再那麼藍
當月色的純白變得陰暗
那只是代表快樂不再那麼簡單

當冬夜漸暖　
當夏夜的樹上不再有蟬
當回憶老去的痕跡斑斑
那只是因為悲傷從來　
都不會有答案

當冬夜漸暖　
當青春也都煙消雲散
當美麗的故事都有遺憾
那只是習慣把愛當作喜歡
重要的是　我們如何愛過那一段

2011-02-08T13:22:00.002+08:00

伤痛了无非让自己
麻醉了心痛却不止
冷却了密码的刀痕
心酸了泪流在加温

我常说那个人快到了
只是我看错那个人

爱错了配不了你心里追求的灵魂
我只是姗姗来迟无法走进你的一生
你就是洁白清纯的一直在我心加温
怎知道会是如此的抉择哦

你是我陪伴我走过这崎岖的旅程
我渴望闪过眼帘的灿烂能化成永恒
但一切结果慢慢撕开最后一道墙门
多希望回到从前的片刻

bridge:

我不了我不了这一切变化的衍生
我只求我只求这一夜的安稳

Emotional overload

2011-02-08T07:11:00.002+08:00

Now not just physical work overload, it is an emo overload as well.

Why things always happen not according to how i want?

And why some things always remain there to remind one of those hurt?

I am just not so strong.

When I thought I am one, though I can act like one.

I am a human after all

2011-02-08T01:42:00.002+08:00

Overtaxed!!

Things are getting crazy and how I wish I have time for my five sups, getting everything done, and settling a crew and team that has similarly been overtaxed while handling morale issues.

Time is running out and I hope u all can understand when my black face is out.

Feeling lazy

2011-01-19T04:00:00.002+08:00

The academic term hasn't supposedly started yet, and I'm feeling a bit shagged.

Yes, that comes after rushing 2 lab reports that I've happily procrastinated in doing the entire hols.

A review of 2010 can be said a year of lessons, perhaps knowing myself better and perhaps knowing what I need better, but sadly speaking some things that I really desire did not turn out to be the way I had wanted.

Well, like a loner in a desert, I shall continue looking for cactuses to provide me with the source of water I want. It may be a painful process with the opening of the cactuses and perhaps seeing nothing inside, but more often than not, the opening of one full of water will be enough to compensate the 10s that bring nothing in it.

As a friend had kindly told me before, never ever give up on friendships. What I truly behold is that never give up on worthy friendships. Some have to be let go, and it is none of my own fault cos' I have tried my best in whatever I could to salvage or even prolong the misery. On the other hand, some just get better and better each day... even as we realise abt our own shortcomings and truly learnt to appreciate that in each other...

2010 is a year of exploration and looking beyond a bit of my comfort zone as well. Staying in Oxford and looking for my own accomodation for the last 3 weeks there when I had to move out from a friend's place, and looking for accoms outside college are, for example, small things that I did not have to do. Being really independent is sometimes really different from thinking u are independent and alone in the world, and for those days I know myself better. Though I might not necessary have the courage to hitchhike all the way alone, or cycle my ownself to a far away land, I think the experience is enough to suffice. And yup, it is after all, not as glamour or cool as I thought. It really takes ur ability to adapt to many different situations.

2010 is also a year of hitting upon new boundaries and pushing myself, let's hope that 2011 is even better!

Stuff to look forward to in 2011:-

1. Musical

2. Start of 1-year attachment

3. PhD apps and GRE

4. Finally getting to meet my singapore friends on a more regular basis

5. Graduation (though the exams part I a bit dread)

Resolutions:-

1. Be more open in views and be less judgemental.

2. Do not skip lectures (had the habit of doing it last term when i was burnt out)

3. Knowing when to do the right thing and not hanging on to false hopes only to disappoint myself.

4. Try to see problems as lightly as they could be warranted. Can't get too stressed up!

Reminder of what i shld be blogging

2010-12-23T09:16:00.003+08:00

Possible topics that I have been itching to write:-

1. The sociology and psychological impacts of social networking sites.
2. The way we seek to construct a structure in our lives.
3. Snowfall in Britain
4. Review for 2010
5. Geopolitics in an everchanging landscape.

While I would like to start on one, Mr Zhou is finding me and I should really meet him soon!

Joe McElderry - The Climb

2010-11-12T09:31:00.000+08:00

I can almost see it.
That dream I'm dreaming, but
There's a voice inside my head saying
You'll never reach it
Every step I'm takin'
Every move I make
Feels lost with no direction,
My faith is shakin'
But I gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most
I've just gotta keep goin', and
I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, but

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on movin'
Keep climbin'
Keep faith baby
It's all about, it's all about
The climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, woah

The beginning of third year

2010-10-17T08:00:00.002+08:00

Time flies.

It is the start of the third year. Having the impression that it is going to be the daunting year which is mostly dominated by academic work and pretty much nothing else, I am quite surprised positively at how the course is structured. Of course having spent most of my time in the lab this week (being equivalent of a Masters student in terms of lab time this week) is quite unexpected given how the first experiment worked out in the end. Though at long last the happiness when I see the product appears in the rotary evaporator and eventually weighing out the product could not be simply described in words :)

It really reminds me of the lab time back at ICES, when I started with no prior knowledge in the chemistry lab, and having chosen chemistry for my future career cos I love to push arrows on paper and was so fascinated by the world of reagents that are available to almost synthesize anything, no matter how daunting it would look. The brief stint I had before I committed myself to research was more of crystallisation and physical based, so naturally it was very different when I went to the lab the first day. The German supervisor, Gerrit, was a very kind guy who showed me on how to use all the lab equipment despite his busy schedule. However naturally as I was a Cambridge first year student, he had really high expectations of me, despite me telling him repeatedly that my first year chemistry was really basics and all my lab work were just simple 4-5 hr sessions in the lab, unlike serious chemistry lab work. I briefly remembered how the high expectations on me soon evaporated and turned into impatience as he repeatedly asked me 'basic' stuff like NOE, COESY, and organopalladium reactions. The worse part was at the lab part though, where he would exclaim with deep disbelief about how clumsy I would get, the unforgettable solvent machine incident which sees quite a bit of dry solvent spurting out as I did not secure the needle properly. And as my friend who is doing her Masters here would narrate, things do get a bit clumsy, and I couldn't help but think of those small incidents that I would always remember at heart when I start out on this route.

Back to the topic. Academics wise everything has been quite comfortable thus far. There had been worries that with Povilas my previous supervision partner at MIT, the void of such a great supervision partner-cum-friend (who always studied with me during the exam times) would prove hard to replace. But I think generally third years are so motivated this year that I couldn't help but just hope that everything would be alright at the end, and my supervision partner now (for two courses) is equally motivated as I am.

Another big change that I've been facing this year was regarding college life! Having decided to move out for closer proximity to the department trumping over college life which sometimes forms the bedrock of relationships in Cambridge, I decided that for academic reasons and ease of socialising with friends in the city centre during weekends, it should be a better idea to move out. And indeed i think it was quite great, considering the lazy me waking up at 845am and getting to the lecture halls promptly at 9am... and quite an escape from the great hall food... but participation in homerton activities is still going strong which I'm really glad about... intereacting with the juniors, my course mates, taking part in badminton...

And the beginning of third year also reminds us the need to treasure friends around us!!

a blog entry overdue

2010-08-09T06:26:00.002+08:00

wow it has been a long time since i've blogged. that's not counting the entry i have input for wicked the musical, since it is just a copy-and-paste.

it is offically at the 3-quarter mark of my stint in Oxford, if u are wondering why I am at Oxford. I wouldn't certainly foresee myself being at Oxford but I'm happy at the decision to come here for the summer amidst so much uncertainty over housing, people around, money matters, but somehow everything has fallen nicely in place. :) and the decision to undertake an attachment in structural biology and crystallography which is rather distant from the organic synthesis field is reaping some fruits as well

Things have not gone the most smoothly in June to the extent I was saying it was perhaps the worst month in the year. Exams in the second week plagued by wisdom tooth pain and inability to concentrate on my own exams were soon followed by a haste decision to carry on with my trip in Italy while knowing that wisdom tooth pain might get worse and it ended up in a horrid stay in the Italian hosp in Naples for 4 days. Soon after I was recuperating back in Camb, and then again disaster struck yet again when wallet and hp were stolen :(

Anyway things are back to normal order! July was a great month of recovery ensuring that I pulled my two wisdom teeth and stayed at my uncle's place at crewe. Took almost a week of off which was really essential to make sure I am ok to undertake the attachment as well, and reflected on various issues over the entire year in the sudden silence and serenity that I had gained over at the nights. Soon after as I was picking up the various skills at work (at the very least pipetting skills), and started the vigorous and tedious lab sessions which were really fun and encouraging working alongside terrific colleagues, and somehow I made a crystal of the protein where I could take ages for people to crystallise theirs and it was rushed to the diamond for diffraction studies as I managed to squeeze in the last day window. So it ended up a tour of the diamond plus looking at my own crystal being put to the test. Sadly the radiation was too intense but well not everyday is a sunday isn't it!

Weekends had been very fun so far, meeting up with friends, bringing my new-made friends in Oxford to Cambridge for a tour (and we punted really badly), having movie sessions, watching wicked musical and the latest weekend a bridge comp at brighton where sitting at the beach after the match was really relaxing and soothing!

anyway two more weeks in oxford, and i would be back in singapore!
list of things to do:-
1. k-box
2. food trail
3. tuition
4. meeting up with friends
5. see universal studios in singapore and walk around marina sands
and many many more!!!

to you...

2010-08-02T15:30:00.001+08:00

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

- From Wicked, 'For Good', at the parting scene of Glinda and Elphaba

Random thoughts

2010-06-04T02:11:00.003+08:00

It just suddenly dawns upon me...

Whether would I be strong enough to accept the ugly truth,
or whether it is a bliss in disguise for not knowing what's underneath.
A direct personality would have preferred the first,
but it might be a bit too much to take.

Yet knowing the truth might just be the best way forward.

Exploring the unknown and being ambivalent...

2010-05-10T20:12:00.002+08:00

I guess an update is long overdue...

Yesterday amidst my rush to complete proteins, I forgot the time and realised that it was 12 in singapore when i had wanted to skype home and wish my mum a happy mothers' day, not withstanding the fact that i msn-ed her the day before... Anyway pressure's been building up these days, and this month will not be a plain riding trip as of last year.

Had just realised that I was quite naive in terms of scoring high esp last year, and this year I am prepared to do whatever is needed to secure a good first (I hope...). Really thanks to the wonderful seniors and peers who had offered help and motivation... like samson, tara, chieh, etc. And though it would be hard to emulate some of the feats (which I was quite amazed that actually homerton is traditionally good in org chem and deborah gives the same comment to the few each year), I guess I am up for the challenge in some of the papers. Meanwhile for biochem, I really appreciate the efforts from my supervisor to really pump up our essay skills this year, and similarly I wouldn't want to let him down (though the amt to study is quite crazy)!

Yup a month of no FM/bridge, no youtube and once a week fb! Do message or email me if u wanna talk to me and study with me!!

2010-04-07T09:54:00.000+08:00

歌手:陈洁仪
歌名:炫耀

我不知该说什么好
你的来去一直都没有预兆
这次你是带着笑还是带着刀
别那样又用拥抱当酬劳
别那样用玩笑当圈套
我只求一个人一点自尊和骄傲
我不知该做什么好
这一切真的从没有预兆
这次你又带着笑我还是想逃
也许是你要的我不想要
也许是你要的我做不到
所以我一个人用空白填未来当作炫耀
没有后悔没有争吵再也不要苦苦的计较
就算瘦了也没什么不好话变少也很好
没有泪水没有煎熬
再也没有人让我吃不下睡不着
心碎了我还炫耀
受伤的字眼搁浅在唇边不要你悱恻敷衍

2010-04-01T23:51:00.002+08:00

How i wish i could turn back time...

Realised some things too late...
and increasingly irreversible.

At least I've learnt!

Those days...

2010-03-29T12:41:00.002+08:00

I suddenly remembered something!

28th March was Jing Chong's birthday... and I checked my autograph book that I had in primary school... My birthday memory is indeed intact...

Jing Chong was my best friend in primary school and together with Zhao Yang they always provided me with the reprieve I needed most in sch playing hopscotch and eating our sandwiches! And yups, I searched on facebook and I couldn't find his contact!!!

Anyway if he does ever come here, here's wishing him a belated happy birthday!

2010-03-24T21:39:00.002+08:00

To understand my frustration with the bio notes,

here's the epic:-

"The first, the activatory G subunit, when phosphorylated by PKA, downstream from adrenaline, dissociates from PP1C, which becomes trapped by the inhibitory subunit, I-1 (which is similarly phosphorylated), so that the phosphorylated state of phosphorylase is maintained and glycogen is degraded, therefore"

1. Notice the number of commas in the sentence.
2. So is it the G subunit or PP1C that becomes trapped by I-1? (On 2nd thought it should be G subunit since it is phosphorylated)
3. And the connection between 7th and 8th comma is that PP1C cannot remove the phosphate on phosphorylase?
4. The ",therefore" is my last straw!

And the diagram is poorly drawn man... oh man...

Recap on Lent term

2010-03-21T06:35:00.002+08:00

I wonder my body clock is seriously screwed, being able to put in 3 hr sleep every night despite my futile efforts to force myself to sleep more, and feeling tired in the afternoon... Might need to enlist the help of coffee and tea soon!

Anyway a little update about lent term. A really hectic term indeed. Perhaps this hasn't come really surprising to me since a week 1 lunch with jackie made me realise from the outright that most of my weekends are gone, and i think they are worth my time indeed... From CUMSA's activities in the form of AFF, food prep, ball to all the crucial bridge ties against Oxford (a total of three times seeing them) to London musicals to gatherings and dinners like the CNY dinner, it has been a fun time pursuing my interests, meeting people and learning some cooking techniques at the same time as well!

And it is time to put more effort to my studies!!

Disappointed

2010-03-02T21:36:00.001+08:00

Sometimes even when you try your best, the outcomes are against you...

Feeling uninspired

2010-02-18T04:49:00.002+08:00

Feeling pretty uninspired and pretty drained...

Just came back from a biochemistry supervision. It lasted a whole 1 hr 40 minutes! Thank goodness that I didn't promise to go for the CNY dinner given how sian I am right now... Going through the questions in which while gaining a few precious pointers, most of the time was figuring out how many protons cytochrome c complex pumps or what are the hydrogen bond acceptors or donors... And after going through 4 practical questions, it hasn't touched the real crux which I think most of us are having a bit to a lot of trouble in - the cell signalling notes... Feeling quite uninspired though I know it would be good to draw a mindmap of everything in a paper, clarifying my thoughts and some doubts to some parts of the notes, or I could even do some paper readings... Perhaps doing some organic chemistry qns should gain the momentum? Haha... Somehow chemistry B brightens up my day... even for chemistry A, i get quite a bit of disillusioned when confronted with the tight schedule and doing questions in advance. Not much time to really consolidate though well it is true that "hey isn't the notes quite complete? I expect us to be able to read up on solids in advance..."

Things to complete:-
1. CUMSA - two articles to contribute, some ball stuff, some handing over advice (and hopefully a good meal and talk with my understudy whom I hope would be receptive!)
2. Bridge - Bridge match tomorrow, next thurs, next sat(possibly)/sun - Jackie isn't the happiest man on Earth when he draws Oxford A, but well this is the best opps u can get in the earliest stages... I mean if you stay on in the competition playing against easier opps, there isn't point and probably would take up some unnecessary time when you would meet them eventually isn't it?
3. Chemistry B Qns 4 to 10 :) (I think this will brighten up my day)
4. Chemistry A rest of Keelers' qns sheet (Perhaps the weekend?)
5. Consolidating Biochemistry Cell signalling
6. Controls in Organic Chemistry (I want to really fully cover the course and questions this time, no repeat of Med Chem incident though I think I will go for those next year!)
7. Project presentation (currently quite handicapped without the chem eng textbook cos it is borrowed!)

Things that have taken place in Lent:-
1. Learnt how to cook lor bah, hokkien mee, frog legs...
2. Bike got stolen :( and police just said it is not detected by CCTV
3. AFF was good (hong kin), lent formal was quite good (shue li) and CNY dinner was fantastic (shueli and shengrong)
4. Scary marking session with Pete Wothers but it got better along the way :)
5. Applications without any news back... this is really worrying!!

Failure and success

2010-01-26T21:16:00.002+08:00

In binomial distribution, one always considers two cases: failure and success. The society judges success by different ways - in terms of status, money earned, qualifications, etc. As such, people usually congraulate those who succeed (like scoring tonnes of As in examinations, getting a gold medal in a prestigious competition) while at the same time reject failures - which is pretty normal!

And ultimately the boundary between success and failure is just a thin line to draw. A guy may have gotten 10A1s and 1A2 in an examination, and looked upon as being 'successful' by his peers and parents, while he might think himself as a failure deep inside. Similarly, a sportsman may have got gold in a competition, but might think he is a failure in the competition as he has not met the expectations he has set. In these cases, the main character might tell others that 'hey I don't really succeed', and might be looked upon as an insult. And this is where different expectations come into play isn't it? Success and failures are just a certain level of expectation which people have set for themselves or others where they either met it or not.

And thus, I would like to apply a different dimension to the word success or failure which can be seen as a more 'equal' playing field for everyone. It is a matter of whether you have tried your best in whatever you want to do. I have had a good taste of that in bridge. I would always take a good day of bridge as one where I made no mistakes and had brilliant plays with logical bidding sequences; while a bad day of bridge would constitute errors that could have been easily avoided with more thinking. There could be days where you would win a lot on the table due to your mis-bids finding the correct slam that would be impossible to find by correct and normal bidding. What people say is that the end-result matters or some bring more to the extreme of 'it is my brilliance that has resulted in this contract', but I think you have failed in the context. Simply because you have made a wrong move that wouldn't earn you a good score for 90% of the time. In other cases, people would always slam each other when a competition is lost. You would always hear things like 'you can never bid like this, you know this costs us the first place?', but seriously when it is the correct bid, just accept it and move on. Partner hasn't failed and you should appreciate the times that the correct bids have paid off.

As seen for the examples, luck has been a main factor that makes the difference. Be it good luck or bad luck, tell yourself that the success or failure you have had due to it hasn't been really under your control, and you have tried your best in every instance, and be proud of it! If circumstances are down, change it and even if you can't change it, always do the best out of the situations!

And once you know you have tried your best, you know you do not deserve the tag 'failure'. Smile and move on!

Random Musing

2010-01-13T04:58:00.003+08:00

Sometimes when some things that we have always taken for granted are lost,
we would then start to wonder how important these things to your life.
Sometimes you could recover it,
Sometimes it is just too late.

The True Nature of Friendship

2010-01-11T02:33:00.002+08:00

Was having my regular habit of reading newspapers when I'm pretty bored and Sunday Times brought me some comfort and relief with some good articles...

The True Nature of Friendship

By Dr. Lee Wei Ling

I had gone to bed at 7pm on Dec 30 from sheer exhaustion. I woke up at 2am and responded to e-mail on my Blackberry.

I noticed that I had missed two phone calls from two very close friends. It was obviously inappropriate to return the calls at 2am, so I e-mailed to say I'd return the calls during lunch time.

I then went back to sleep and have just woken up at 6am, trying to recall what day of the week it was because that would determine my schedule for the day.

For a moment, I thought it was Friday, New Year's Day. It was only when I went outside to pick up the newspapers that I realised it was only New Year's Eve.

I do not usually place any emphasis on 'special days' - whether it be Christmas, New Year's Day, Chinese New Year or birthdays.

These days are determined by the calendar, but to me they are no different from regular days.

In fact, they often are less pleasant than regular days as I dislike the noise and crowds of special days. I solve that problem by simply staying in my room at home on such days, clearing e-mail and paperwork. This applies even to the reunion dinner on Chinese New Year's Eve.

I am by nature not a sociable person. Indeed, I had become asocial by the time I reached pre-university in school. I do have friends and I have never neglected to help any of them when they needed help.

But for most of my adult life, I have not been willing to spend more time than necessary on conversations and social interactions with my friends. I felt that would be a waste of time - time that could have been better spent reading medical journals, analysing research data, exercising and other 'more important activities'.

It was only since 2001, after repeated bouts of illness, that I learnt that friendship does not just mean mutual goodwill, but also spending time with friends talking about things other than medical research.

Staying for months in hospital makes any friend dropping in to see one a welcome relief, though I was not bored as such as I could work on my laptop. As prisoners know, solitary confinement (even in a hospital) can be terribly punishing on the spirit.

Human beings are social creatures. We are social not just in the trivial sense that we like company, and not just in the obvious sense that we depend on others. We are social in a more elemental way: Simply to exist as normal human beings requires us to interact with other people.

There is a Chinese saying, jun zi zhi jiao dan ru shui

xiao ren zhi jiao tian ru mi. The literal translation is: 'The friendship between two honourable people is as understated as water.'

Many of my English-educated friends have difficulty grasping this concept. They would often exclaim in surprise: 'Surely you have changed the saying. The relationship between two honourable people must surely be as sweet as honey.'

No, I have not reversed the idiom. The friendship between two good honourable people is understated. Each will help the other when help is needed even before a request for help is issued. And when one offers to help, the other would accept without feeling any obligation to return the favour.

The 'friendship' between two petty people, on the other hand, is as cloying as honey. When one offers to help, the other would feel that at some point the favour would have to be returned.

The simplest analogy for this saying is as follows: Between honourable friends, there is no account of how many favours I owe that friend and vice versa. The relationship between petty people, on the other hand, requires an accurate account, since for every favour accepted, a return favour would be expected. As far as I can help it, I avoid such friendships.

I am not in the habit of making New Year resolutions. We should change our undesirable behaviour and mend our ways as soon as we discover that our behaviour is less than honourable; there is no need to wait for the New Year to resolve to do so.

2009 has given me both suffering and happiness. I expect the same of 2010. But to all readers who feel a New Year represents a new chapter in life, I wish you a Happy New Year, filled with true friendship and good deeds. And may 2010 be a better year than 2009.

_______________________________________

A good friend is someone who will always offer you help even before you request for it.
A good friend is someone who doesn't count favours owed or being owed.

And I'm pretty glad that there are a lot of such good friends around, while bearing in mind my own principles of friendships, let's hope 2010 be a year of good friendship and happyness!

2010-01-10T21:10:00.002+08:00

那是我们都回不去的从前
but I'm already thankful for the current state as it is.
Things could have been much worse.

Meanwhile it is time to look forward.
The damage was done, and was probably irreversible.
我晓得时间如雪有时候会覆盖一切
And things might have been really different,
As how things could become different.

I always believe in it, do you?

Singapore's Education System

2010-01-07T19:41:00.002+08:00

I was reading the article on how one kid ended up in a Malaysian University at the age of 10 with the family hitting dead ends to try suitable education system for him. And somehow an article that makes us ponder about our education system. Was it too rigid? Catered more to the majority and less to the minority (those who are too smart in this case)? Too many red tapes in the ministry?

It has been known that Singapore has a very good education system (or at least according to Singapore press) which produces top results at mathematical competitions or examinations. Even some US schools are using Singapore maths textbook as curriculum material and it isn't hard to see why with all the drilling and foundation well established. For those who aren't academically smart, they could be further nurtured in the likes of ITEs; while for those who are supposedly the cream of the crop (top 1%), there is the Gifted Education System.

However, an education system could never be perfect.

With such generalised tests to determine how good a student performs, it might be easy to bury the talents of a potential literary great or a promising scientist to come. Especially when you consider the GEP tests to be a test of linguistic and logical thinking (which I failed quite badly at reading those long paragraphs in English at a tender age when I do not normally speak English at home), a literary great might not do that well at logical thinking, and vice versa for a potential mathematician or scientist who does not need much linguistic skills to excel. PSLEs and O Levels take into account of a broad spectrum of subjects where all-rounders (or rather Jack of all trades) would perform much better than those who might be really good in some subs and bad at some others (esp Chinese, no lack of examples of that). As such, programmes like Integrated Programmes and schools specialising in some subs (like NUS High) have been fantastic in removing some of these barriers, but one of course has to do sufficiently well in primary school and survive the "boredom" years as stated in this case in order to get to the choices that would best fit them. Also, not allowing students to jump years might be better in terms of administration and making sure they have learnt everything before they proceed, but ultimately it might starve off the enthusiasm from the start.

Comparatively an US system is more individualised and caters more to the individual talents of each kid, and of course this has its own demerits as well. However, perhaps it is time for Singapore to relook at the primary school structure to see whether they could allow individual talents not to be overlooked and special cases be catered for. And as one friend says a policy change is good if it could improve at least 10% of the cohort, no policies would be for everyone...

Then again, what I found really interesting are the comments posted after the article: http://comment.straitstimes.com/showthread.php?t=28801... I found this particular comment really laughable: "Just excelling in one subject, science, does not make a boy gifted child. Probably his brain cells have favourable elements for science. What about maths, language, history? it is improper for the parent to seek special priviliges." Perhaps he is saying pple like Albert Einstein isn't smart enough....

Reflections on 2009

2009-12-31T20:29:00.003+08:00

I realised this should be typed in 2009 while the rest could wait... and since i'm feeling a bit tired-ish and groggy now (perhaps it is the mixture of orange and milo in my stomach now), I shall reflect upon 2009.

2009 marks an entire university year, and quite a return to at least some proper school routine compared to 2006 to 2008. The first piece of action I remembered was the Mocks exam, which I studied only for my Cells, and ended up failing my physics test and still achieved quite a respectable ranking within my college. Then it was days of studying, bridge action and of course meetups and cookouts which made the entire lent term fun. It was also when I got into the cumsa comm and feeling so excited of being a welfare officer. Lent term also marked pensive moments for me, as I penned down a few songs. Wu Zhu still remained one of my favourite bathroom songs these days!

Then it came to the Easter holidays where we had a fun time travelling Scotland and Ireland. In terms of visiting wise, it is very chill-lax, with most of the times taking photos (helped by our DSLR experts Ivan and Shaoming) where for scenes we would normally walk past somehow we would appreciate the beauty is everything... symmetry, neatness, randomness, a dose of mockery or fun... Be it the cold of the North Berwick or the climb of Arthur Seat or the lousy jokes of the driver, it seems to have every aspect of a fulfilling tour... It was then followed by weeks of catching up in terms of studies and the study sessions at Christ's helped me to focus and not wander off to the comp (though I became slightly distracted when we shifted to the comp lab)... and finally the exams came... though a bit disappointed, I'm glad I've still got the grade I wanted, and that's what matters most isn't it?

The swine flu scares had made us postponed our initial decision to tour Spain and Portugal, and came back earlier to Singapore for a week's worth of quarantine and had a bit of scare cos my sis coughed rather badly at that time, with the tensions relieved when she is proven fine... was really glad to have a friend to allay all those concerns at that time, and something i would always be grateful for... soon after the quarantine is lifted, it is back to normal life, meeting up with friends, playing fifa online as crazily as i could, and basically slacking...

Soon after it was the 8 weeks attachment and I was glad to have ling fan and wenjie to accompany me in the ulu jurong island. There I must say it was quite a quantum leap to what I've studied in my first year, and Gerrit was indeed a very good teacher who really enthused me in Organic Chemistry with his passion for it. I was pretty much glad to know Jiahui who works beside me in the lab, and sharing some small talk among ourselves amidst the very serious working atmosphere at times...

After which Wenjie and I decided to go China on a tour package with some elderly, and unfortunately I fell sick in Wuxi and had to come back early due to a very bad stomachache... And soon after it is Michealmas!! Went to Old Trafford to catch Man Utd vs Sunderland alone, which kinda got scary at night when my hp went flat and couldn't contact my uncle... and getting back to camb sch term started and somehow some things happened that made me rather upset... So apart from a few unhappy events, Michealmas was a largely great one... went london and watched dirty dancing with chieh, which was totally worth the money (we have got half price discounts as well and the view was reasonable), and had quite some fun at bridge... had games night which i think was rather good, hosted some friends for the oxbridge games and toured them around (I would visit Oxford in Lent term!!), NatSci Cookout which was well received, a slew of formals where I had quite a bit of wine (thanks to bits of pennying)... And at the term end, the tour of Germany, Switz and Austria with a short xmas stay at my Uncle's place!!!

That pretty much sums up the whole year isn't it? Haha... and finally a song to sign off... from my favourite singer Stefanie Sun...

歌曲：同类
歌手：孙燕姿
专辑：Stefanie
作词：易家扬
作曲：李偲菘

歌词：

雨后的城市寂寞又狼狈
路边的座位它空
着在等谁
我拉住时间它却不理会
有没有别人跟我一样很想被安慰

风停了又吹我忽然想起谁
天亮了又黑我过了好几岁
心暖了又灰世界
有时候孤单的很需要另一个同类
爱收了又给我们都不太完美
梦作了又碎我们有几次机会
去追
不晓得为什么爱又稀少又昂贵

云在半空中被微风剪碎
回忆也许美可是正在飞走对不对
啦啦...
天亮了又黑我过了好几岁

2009-12-28T01:56:00.002+08:00

Things to update on:-

1. Reflections on 2009
2. Trip
3. Xmas 2009

Anyway i'm just glad that i'm back in homerton safe and sound! Three weeks have past and it is time to really get back to the books! Interestingly, some things are just so uncanny...

Another song by me!

2009-12-01T08:36:00.000+08:00

遗忘

遗忘我要如何遗忘
感伤不知要往那藏
时间滴滴答答逝去
而我没有任何答案

我像被捆绑在海洋
到处陌生人的地方
没人能了解我的感伤
遗忘我试着去遗忘

没有你的世界没有你的地方
曾经我们有的一切是幻想
没有你的联系没有你的肯定
我真的好孤单一切是奢望

遗憾不要留下遗憾
微笑不能撤下伪装
默默就在遥远地方
你的笑让我继续飞翔

Friendships

2009-11-29T07:52:00.003+08:00

Sometimes some stuff I may take it really hard, cos I really think and work my best for some organisation or people or event...

But when things are not reciprocated, I just get that sense of dl-ness...

Why am I always bothering to put in so much effort? Sometimes even more effort and sacrificing my own interest for the better good of everyone and not recognised? My mum would always laugh at how foolish I am, and would always ask me how many friends would do that for me... At the end of the day, ppl might even think i have evil motives up my sleeves...

Despite such reminders all over the place, I still believe in the principle that I have always held over friendships and whatever i do... I was glad that these days I had some friends to confide in and really know my character well (wow some I do not exactly know), and I was pleasantly surprised by some friend's intuitive insight into my thoughts about friendships, and gave me the advice of not expecting too high about others. Me having gone thru the leadership positions would have treated some stuff with different sensitivity and big picture in mind, but leadership styles are varied, and adapting is important. I have no qualms regarding different leadership styles, but sometimes being totally statistic or cold or analytical about events is just not the thing for me. I just feel human touch should always be there, and what's the point of organising an event just to organise a good one? After all, it is the interpersonal relations which are the most important!

Meanwhile really, there's no point trying hard and making myself upset. As seen in a recent biochem essay practice, I've finally got a better mark with a slacker essay compared to essays I have put in so much time to research... Perhaps it is time to involve myself less and being able to withdraw myself to avoid hurt. And meanwhile I shall be on my hunt for meaningful friendships and relations

2009-11-23T05:09:00.000+08:00

一言惊醒梦中人

michaelmas 现在正式开始！

Songs collection (Looping in my comp for days!)

2009-11-21T06:06:00.003+08:00

陪你等天亮

眼看星星落下
窗外一点一点出现阳光
抚摸我的头
你说我很怕

我们都是这样
一面带着伤痕一面飞翔
难过的时候有我在身旁

我陪你等天亮
拥抱着一起分享
能放心的哭一场
是再微笑的力量

只有你明白我的疯狂
不管故事有多长
世界对我太善良

这一路上有你
我变得坚强

你知道我多傻（其实我也很傻）
在你面前从来不用逞强
听我说说话
让我靠一下

我们都是这样（都是这样）
想要幸福却都跌跌撞撞（跌跌撞撞）
可是不要怕有我在身旁

你才看见（看见）
我早已经学会

就算逆风
也能好好带着祝福不再流泪

勇敢地飞
然后分享那种喜悦（那种喜悦）

遗憾许美静

别再说是谁的错
让一切成灰
除非放下心中的负累
一切难以挽回
你总爱让往事跟随
怕过去白费
你总以为要体会人生
就要多爱几回
与其让你在我怀中枯萎
宁愿你犯错后悔
让你飞向梦中的世界
留我独自伤悲
与其让你在我爱中憔悴
宁愿你受伤流泪
莫非要你尝尽了苦悲
才懂真情可贵

2009-11-18T00:52:00.000+08:00

A smile can make someone's day.

No matter what sort of smile is that, I will just take that.

Time flies indeed!

2009-11-14T04:45:00.002+08:00

Just as I was talking to Caleb, he couldn't believe he is coming to Cambridge tml for Oxbridge games, and I feel exactly the same as well! Lots of things happened just within these days, and somehow when u are busy all the while, there is hardly time to reflect...

I was reading Classics in Total Synthesis II, and right in the introduction chapter: "After all, every molecule, just like a person, is the unique sum of its individual parts. Its physical characteristics, its personality if you will, emerge from the specific combination of its atoms, bonds and stereocenters; to remove or alter just one of these items would be essentially the same as a close friend transforming into a complete stranger." I reckoned that particular incident had hit quite hard at me from the start of term, and while I could do nothing about some issues, I'm perhaps just disappointed at the way things turn out. Too many questions, perhaps the best answer is no answer.

On the other hand, there had been pple who had shown an "interesting" side about them which I really wonder what to say about them. Sometimes we may curse at what the army does, but one impt thing it does is to make you see how things really work and for me, I have developed a greater interest into how pple think, what they will think and their attitudes compared to the past. Anyway a good chat has brought me some questions... Does the pot calling the kettle black really help things (I mean one should always take a good look at YOURSELF before commenting on others)? Adding really unnecessary comments without thinking? Sometimes we may be so prone to making such silly mistakes or just overlook your own self and think you're perfect, but it is a timely reminder as the way it is.

Essentially this shall bring me to my msn message "Some people are not worth it, some are." I know some friends are there to help and are warm and would always seek to think from your point of view; others just make use of you as part of their chasing for ever more portfolios or good results. Some friends would always lend you their shoulders to lie on when you are sad, while some would ditch you and ignore you completely while begging for your help when it arises, with the "thanks" from the mouth and the eyes showing otherwise. Body language speaks a lot. Everyday action speaks volumes. And saying "You are my big saviour" only after getting ur help just appears so fake.

I wouldn't want to misplace my trust into friends who do not deserve it, while I am always grateful to those who have been so ever truthful and believe in friendships.

Recent happenings!!

2009-10-24T20:54:00.002+08:00

Hmmm long time no updates...

Shall summarise my summer time as follows:- Three weeks of slacking and trying out in different comp games, CM09, FIFA Online 2, Farmville... then two months of attachment at Jurong Island: Great colleagues (special mention to Ling Fan, Wenjie and Jiahui!), Good foosball action (with Minh especially), Disaster column and eventually enjoying columns, learning lots of chemistry that is not covered yet (thanks to Gerrit!), talks where I know of interesting stuff! Then a month of slacking, horrible stomachache in Wuxi, plenty of celebration and meetups and birthday wishes in the birthday week (thanks to a lot of pple!) and also CUMSA chalet and meetups in the form of karaoke marathon... and Yanzi concert as well and MAF... plus pesta sukan and MP teams...

Yups... back to Cambridge and the contrast is great... So getting used back to the Singapore mode when I would meet a friend each day whenever I feel bored, but right now different people are specialising in different subjects and I'm not particularly close to my fellow chemists, but at least I'm finding my equilibrium pt. Chem A with college friends, Chem B with jackie, and biochem with the biologists Singaporeans... Jackie never failed to capitalise on opportunities to joke when the lecturer was talking abt pKa...

Lecturer: Now for aldehydes it should be lower. pka of 17... or I should say, 15-17.
Jackie: Yes, 1NT point range.
Qunxiang: Carboxylic acid point range for 3rd seat psyche 1NT, Ketone for 2NT

Has been feeling sick for the past week and finally got better and could at least cycle liao... Taking a bus has its merits and well, I realise I should take uni4 when I could afford to... considering how cui3 my bike has become and lent term is the only time i would consider changing my bike (depending on how well it survives the winter)...

Other than lectures, which have been easy on us thus far, I have pretty much of fun, going to manchester (or i shld say trafford) to watch man utd and complete my pilgrimage; going to London to catch musical, Dirty Dancing!! It was chosen based on a restriction principle and Chieh and I just got the last tickets for the show, which both of us really enjoyed!

And in the meantime, back to the grind!

Long neglected blog

2009-07-02T01:55:00.003+08:00

A summer awaiting us... 3 months left for me to enjoy this sunny island before it is back to the grind...

I came back to this idly-maintained blog, and seek some solace in it, inspired by chieh whose blog entries are entirely worth the wait. The pace of the progression, the senses which were invoked by reading the entries, the way feelings are slowly developed layer by layer... how i wish i do write such entries...

I have returned to this sunny island leaving a lot of good memories in Cambridge... as I was talking to Yibing who was packing her stuff and coming back very soon, she had wanted to do anything but just to come back... and in a way there was this nagging feeling that stung me when I was at the Heathrow on how I should have toured Europe before starting my attachment, and while situation presents itself differently with the flu being a serious threat, it is just sooner than later that singapore is going towards community spreading (evident from the rapid rise of local cases as well)

As I was looking at my pleasing and yet disappointing report card of the year, the four set of numbers accompanied by my overall ranking laced with a few nice sentences along those lines by my director of studies, I couldn't help but think of how my year is described by those statistics, how people would look at me... Indeed for some people they have spent all their time on mugging and activities and nothing else, some allocated towards community service and interaction, and some towards on a relationship and studies... While some may say that they advocate more time on activities, they wouldn't deny that they have worked hard... Indeed everyone has... and just like a lot of people would say results is just an aspect of life, I have felt for the first time immense pressure to do well (which might have backfired in the end) and that is really something that you would not feel it unless you are deeply mired in it...

Academics aside, I thought this has been a great year... to have known and made a few friends in my course and outside my course, to find people to bump my ideas, to play in the university bridge team, to play badminton in the homerton badminton men, to talk to the locals and understand about their anxieties and thinkings and aspirations, to help in organising freshers events coming up and involved in the singaporean and malaysian association... and i really appreciate all these things... and something that I am proud of though I do not need to key those information into the CV...

A key lesson in this entire year is to appreciate the nice-ness in everything though they may be sour right from the start... perhaps two years of suffering Cs under HC Biology is not enough, this year it comes in the form of my supervisor's super strict marking in Cells... and I thought I have benefitted from his way of coaching to motivate me to study more... and yups serendipity is the word!!! (If chieh u are reading this!) From the start, I would be wondering all the 2.1s/2.2s that he had given me from the start and I always yearned that 1st from him, though it would never come... sometimes i would have not had a skeleton which my supervisor agreed with, sometimes it is my content that failed me, sometimes when i thought i had everything he would always point out those out of text knowledge to show me there's so much more that i can include... and it is his way of teaching that suits me... one that tells me not to stop and learn more - as much as possible outside what you have to know - which have made me changed my stance towards biology as well... perhaps due to times of drilling in secondary school and JC days... and the joy of self studying and reading up and sharing it had also changed my perspective to studying as well... there's so much in his teaching methods that changed my view of things, and yups u are reading this u should know my choice of subject combination is not just within the marks i've obtained during the tripos :)

End of exams!

2009-06-12T01:14:00.002+08:00

Here comes the end of exams, and as always the end of something marks the beginning of yet another...

While people would remember the days of mugging that they spend in the library, the competitiveness where my mates would love to check their answers and relish in their joy of getting them right, confidently saying a first is within their grip, while people may think that they might have done better in the exam, and the holiday mood is yet to sink in (just like me typing this sorta "obligatory" entry here?), and while some people are busy having fun, partying whole day having deserved this break, it is perhaps just interesting for me to recap how great these days have been...

In a sense, I thought that the exams was a good way to sort of bind us together... everyday we could be in the lecture theatre sitting, listening to those boring physics lectures and trying to keep awake, and once the time is up everybody would split their ways, esp for me since i'm so far away from the rest... and once back in college it seems like supervisions, CCAs, other activities would not allow us to find a common time to meet each other...

It was then that I really appreciated the study grp with cai na and jackie on thurs, when a more regular schedule of seeing my friends came... and soon after the holidays, the every 2 days study session really brought some of us together and it was quite a good atmosphere to help each other out for studies, and have a good break after our study sessions for pool or table soccer or simply a nice picnic at grantchester... i guess those are the days when i would not forget...

and soon the easter term started, it was a case of balancing new knowledge with revision, and thanks to my super speed my supervisors have gone thru plus my little motivation in chemistry, i really appreciated the extra space i had before the exams... during those period, i would say my email to my cells supervisor would remain the best joke among my supervision mates where i was totally shocked that the cells mock paper is on theory and not practical... and that frenatic 4 hrs is one of those most productive during the exam period...

it is this period that i've started to see people mugging off their socks, really dedicating every minute to mugging... for example helen told me she never worked so hard before, and she was really motivated to do well... or like hong kin who self-proclaimed as the "mugger who mugs like a dog"... everyone wanted to do well, and suddenly i realised everyone is so similar after all... if there were doubts that the locals would not study as hard, they were totally quashed during this period. ppl work really hard, day in day out at the library and as i would agree with the general sentiment, it was one of the most stressful days ever...

But somehow during my reflections, I found out that my intrinsic motivation had been the primary force that drove me forward, and i certainly hope it is enough to bring me the A* requirements. However there are too many uncertainties. Cells are essays-based and subject to markers' opinions, physics was not well done and stupid mistakes are made, chem and maths are generally okie, but i'm not really happy with my paper 2 which i felt i could have done better. But nevertheless, the most impt thing is to enjoy the process and not get stressed by it... and i thought i had met that... after all a healthy body is the most productive as i would always believe! And certainly, i hoped my hard work would reap fruits at the end of the day, though it would be certainly hard to replicate my sis's success.

It is also during this period that some things have been elucidated, and I was somehow happy that things have turned out this way. Some friendships have gone for the better and i knew some people more... while i got in touch with the other nat scis in my college more which was certainly a good thing!!

And yups! 4 Singaporean kids are coming to Homerton!!! And ironically my kid is not gonna be any two of the bridge players... well at least i get to take care of more kids! Homerton would have a greater Singaporean community next year! So looking forward to it! :-) And wenjia and i went to see our rooms for next year... and again we're gonna get attic rooms... but shld be bigger in terms of size!! and it is away from the bar too :-) and i would have two math-mos, one engineer and one physicist as my neighbours!

In other news, I would be going to Jurong Island yet again... Low Km with the particular island (it means high affinity if u dunno what it means)... and will be reunited with wenjie there! days of talking everything from politics to chemistry on the bus awaiting! and ling fan would be coming too... so sad we can't get csl after all...

2009-05-31T05:45:00.002+08:00

As expected, when u see me here, it means I am bored out by my cells...

Haha... while listening to songs by wang lee hom, westlife and jay chou (something is seriously wrong with my media player shuffle ahh, cos i seriously have more songs from other artistes)... i am so suddenly reminded that i have written a song on cells... but i shan't really write abt it here! hahaha lousy song... (u can see how bored i am!!)... and the song "my love" just reminds me of the MTV... while ling yi ge tian tang's dolphin notes are too fake... seriously it must be from synthesizers rite!!

Ok... looks like i'm not suited to 15-hr study modes like my homerton friends... they are really superhuman and i have to give it to them! haha... the last thing i want is a headache!

and jiayou to everyone!!!

Long time yet to blog

2009-05-30T08:27:00.002+08:00

It is 3 more days to first paper, and one more week before my two most unstable subjects are over...

Was pretty grateful all these while, for having so many great friends around whom i can just ask qns on hand... like gh, sr, sl, ket... and in listening to most of my worries like jackie and cai na... i really wonder how the next week would unfold, but i just wanna say it is great to have u guys around...

It is yet another night of caffeine overdose (the first was an accidental one cos of the coffee filled tiramisu), which explains i am reflecting over stuff cos my brain refuses to take in what i wanna read... so yups things I would be going to do when I go back!! (at least these are things for me to look forward to)

1. Designing the "travel in cambridge" game which would feature faces! (dun be surprised to see ur face on the board game)
2. Designing the website and booklets for fresher stuff
3. Getting some bridge action back in Singapore
4. Meeting up with friends for k-ing, dinner, bowling, pool, badminton...
5. Perhaps see whether is there any chance to crash some envt activities like the youth envt conference or IWWW...
6. Getting back to guitar and trying to figure out some songs... and i totally miss my keyboard and prodikeys to write my songs that are in my mp3 or laptop
7. Start planning freshers stuff (I really have no idea abt some issues though!! Not within my control!)
8. FOOD!!! I miss fish porridge from tampines, yong tau foo from toa payoh!
9. CM... shld i start playing a while yet again? or play a bit of FIFA? hahaha... but definitely a meetup with man or vin at amk lan shop!
10. This is a bit of long shot... but MAF!! hahaha wonder how would it be like this year man...

Tml would be a new day to start!
"Gentlemen, start your engine!"

2009-05-11T01:14:00.001+08:00

while thinking of the sad things, it shld be time to say happy mothers' day!! (at least on this blog cos it is supposed to note down sweet memories) and i'll always appreciate my mum who always worries for my safety and everything!!!

on the other hand, happy birthday zehan!! my dearest bridge partner for 4 years and hopefully we'll get to play when we are back in Singapore!

champions league semi finals

2009-05-09T09:11:00.004+08:00

having watched the champions league semi finals, you would want to see the reactions of how chelsea and man utd players react after poor refereeing decisions...

granted these days people have been grunting abt the referees' decisions, and most of them cmi... but sometimes it is really essential that we view from the referees' angle... they are on the pitch and have no replays or a full screen bird eye's view for particular incidents (which i think would have done fletcher a justice)... and eric adibal's red card for barcelona was really unwarranted, though you got to understand where the referee was when giving the red card (and perhaps the assistant referee is thinking more of an offside situation at that point of time)...

it is hard being a referee in the first place, and having to maintain the balance of the game, the speed of the game and the fairness of it due to pple having a penchant to dive (i'm sure if u are a soccer fan u all know who are tops in diving)... and having to cope with all the pressures in supporters, players, the coaches... is not easy

anyway back to topic, this weekend further cements why i support man utd! though ronaldo is sometimes really far over the limit of arrogance, i thot he showed why he had the right to do so in the match, and park's energetic display with rooney's ever-willingness to play in any position had combined to give a real beautiful counter in the build up for the 3rd goal... but the technical aspects of the game aside, u have to see how fletcher and the team reacts when they have a decision against them, and how chelsea copes with the poor refereeing decisions (though i would say the pique handball would be the most dubious, the rest are just pretty 50-50 cases... and barca had to play with 10 men for an equally dubious decision, so it sorta cancels out)...

i guess u could take a look on youtube by searching "man utd fletcher red card" and "chelsea barcelona penalties" to get a full understanding of the reactions...

on other news, exams is less than a month away... and i've officially not been studying for the past 3 nights (match, meeting, bridge)!!! must jiayou now! and to fellow natscis, jiayou too! i'm pretty sure we'll get out of this trough soon enough having to cover new concepts (some are not easy btw) while revising at the same time!

looking forward to badminton tml :)

attachment

2009-05-02T14:56:00.002+08:00

there are two people, eagerly waiting.
one starts to panic and get overworried.
the other starts to wonder whether he gets it or not.

just a difference of bound and unbound states...

2009-04-30T05:10:00.002+08:00

A very pensive moment indeed...

WHO raised the pandemic level to level 5... confirming the spread of this swine flu...
5 confirmed cases in UK...
90+ confirmed cases in US, 1 confirmed dead...

Just as the start of our thoughts lie on more of the holiday plans, right now I just wanna be at home and spend more time with my mum... Amidst all the pandemic scares, academic work (it seems we are stressing each other out over these days), tripos preparation, etc...

And looking at the way the swine spreads, with esp the pt abt showing no syndrome during the first 24 hrs which could be the most infectious, I really fear the worse is yet to be. Esp when u think that sars is such a problematic case back in Singapore.

I wish the best of health for my mum, my sis and my friends everywhere, aust, US, germany, UK, singapore, china (wherever u may be at)... Remember to stay healthy, eat well, sleep well (incl dun mug too hard cos no pt spoiling ur health for work) and take vitamin C (it works for linus pauling btw, though he din escape death of course)

And I'm really wondering how long I could take it...

2009-04-29T03:36:00.002+08:00

Feeling quite agonised over my cells supervision...

No doubt he is a good supervisor, pushing us to work really hard...

"2/1. Good essay! But you know I don't give 1s."
"I wonder why your answers are so close to the answer scheme. Where did you get them?"
Me: "Copied the practical notes. Asked my friends. Yah I'm not as good as what my paper would suggest..."

ESFJs... I think I fit into this category

2009-04-25T02:57:00.002+08:00

ESFJs are warm-hearted individuals who highly value their close personal relationships. They are very service-oriented, and their own happiness is closely tied into the happiness and comfort of those around them. They are valued for their genuine warm and caring natures, and their special ability to bring out the best in others. They usually do not handle conflict well, and may tend to be very controlling or manipulative. Relationships are central to their lives, and they put forth a great amount of energy into developing and maintaining their close interpersonal relationships. They expect the same from others.

ESFJ Strengths
● Put forth a lot of effort to fulfill their duties and obligations
● Warm, friendly and affirming by nature
● Service-oriented, they want to please others
● Take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships
● Responsible and practical, they can be counted to take care of day-to-day necessities
● Generally upbeat and popular, people are drawn towards them
● Generally very good money managers
● Traditionally minded and family-oriented, they will make family celebrations and traditions special events

ESFJ Weaknesses
● Generally uncomfortable with change, and moving into new territories
● Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism
● Need a lot of positive affirmation to feel good about themselves
● May be overly status-conscious, and interested in how others see them
● Have very difficult time accepting the end of a relationship, and are likely to
take the blame for the failure onto their own shoulders
● Have difficulty accepting negative things about people close to them
● Don't pay enough attention to their own needs, and may be self-sacrificing
May tend to use guilt manipulation as a way to get what they want

ESFJs as Lovers

ESFJs are warmly caring people who give their intimate relationships a lot of special care and attention. They're usually traditional and take their commitments very seriously. Once the ESFJ has said "I do", you can bet that they will put forth every effort to fulfill their obligations to the relationship.

ESFJs want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give to others. This need of theirs is sometimes intensified to the point where they are very emotionally needy, and constantly "go fishing" for affirmation if it is not freely given. ESFJs typically cannot stand conflict or criticism. They take any sort of criticism as a general indictment of their character. This is a potential pitfall for ESFJs to be aware of. In the face of negative feedback, or the absence of positive affirmation, ESFJ may become very depressed and down on themselves. Appreciation is the greatest gift that their mates can give them.

ESFJs have a tendency to be very conscious of social status and "what other people think". They should take care not to let this interfere with their close relationships.

Sexually, ESFJs are warm and loving, and welcome intimacy as an opportunity to express their affections and receive their partner's gifts of love. Many ESFJs have a tendency to be highly scheduled and traditional in their sexual habits, but this is almost always overcome by increasing their education and awareness of options. ESFJs are very service-oriented and will place a lot of importance on making their partners happy.

Being highly practical, the ESFJ is excellent in matters regarding home management. They're likely to be very responsible about taking care of day-to-day needs, and to be careful and cautious about money matters. They are interested in security and peaceful living, and are willing and able to do their part towards achieving these goals for themselves, their mates, and their families.

Most ESFJs have a strong need to "belong" - whether to institutions, traditions, or family units. This need usually causes them to be quite social creatures that enjoy attending parties as well as throwing their own. They're likely to strongly desire that their mates share in their social experiences.

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ESFJ's natural partner is the ISFP, or the INFP. ESFJ's dominant function of Extraverted Feeling is best matched with someone whose dominant function is Introverted Feeling. The ESFJ/ISFP combination is ideal because it shares the common Sensing way of perceiving the world, but the ESFJ/INFP combination is also very good.

ESFJs as Parents

As parents, ESFJs are extremely committed to their roles and duties, and contain and freely express a great deal of love and affection for their children. They expect their children to honor, respect and obey their parents, and do not tolerate well any deviance from this rule of behavior. Their Feeling preference makes it difficult for them to punish or discipline their children. If they have not worked on overcoming this issue, they may tend to punish their children in less obvious ways, such as using guilt manipulation. This is a potential pitfall for the ESFJ to overcome. It is generally more effective and healthier to directly issue punishment when called for.

The ESFJ is very service-oriented and concerned with the comfort and happiness of those around them. Consequently, their children are likely to have their practical needs taken care of very efficiently and responsibly. Their ESFJ parents will create structured environments for the children, where their boundaries will be well-defined and known.

The ESFJ's tendency to be controlling, combined with their emphasis on tradition and security, makes it likely that they will be at least somewhat strict and controlling of their children. However, they will also be their children's strongest, loudest advocate. Children of ESFJ parents are likely to rebel from their authority at some point, which will cause a stressful time for both parent and child. In this case, the ESFJ natural tendency is to make their children feel guilty about their behavior. Depending on the extent of the guilt manipulation, this may cause serious damage to the relationship.

Most ESFJs are remembered fondly by their children for their genuine love and affection, and for the well-defined structure and guidelines they created for their children.

ESFJs as Friends

Although the ESFJ usually puts their family in front of their friends, they do place a lot of importance on their close friendships, and feel tremendous loyalty towards their friends. Since they feel tremendous pressure in their lives to constantly "do their duty", they may sometimes turn their friendships into another task or responsibility. Usually, however, they get a lot of enjoyment from their friendships, and give back a lot of affirming warmth.

There are a couple of ESFJ tendencies which may cause problems with their casual and intimate friendships: 1) they don't give things freely - they expect something in return, and 2) they have a difficult time believing anything bad about someone close to them.

ESFJs are valued by others for their genuine interest in people, and for their warmth and kind-heartedness. They have a special skill at seeing the best in others, and making people feel good about themselves. As such, they usually have a relatively large number of very close friends, usually of all different personality types.

ESFJs are likely to have well-furnished, orderly and attractive homes. They are usually excellent hosts and hostesses, and enjoy throwing parties and having a good time. They like to feel as if they belong to traditions and institutions, and are likely to have a relatively large group of people which they include in their social circles.

Lent term - Easter Break

2009-04-22T15:37:00.004+08:00

As promised, I am now typing another perhaps long entry (i'll try to keep it short this time) in just less than like 12 hrs? Haha... still waiting for my mind to defrose from all the baeyer-villiger reactions and allylic rearrangements that i find myself somehow drifting to (haha still remb that particular organic chem lecture that got me excited abt those)... cos after all, i shldn't spend time marvel at too much chem (will have more time next year!!) and i'm always so envious of guanghao who could do whatever he likes, like designing real cool simulations of the solar system, and most likely tops his tripos (at least for physics and maths)

This period wise, I guess it is a real transition from having short days to long days (heyhey at least i'm not taking physio and have to bother about long day or short day plants)... and somehow as a night person, i'm not really benefitting from it... cos i slept at 3 and got woken up by the sun at 6:30... explains my tiredness these days... while i guessed i stored up a lot of energy during the earlier days when it could get dark for about 15 hrs per day!!

Anyway starting to realise I'm missing a lot of pple as I din go back during the easter break, which i think is a good decision... had really fun times together with our "study grp", though i shld say I am not as motivated or pro as my peers (evidently thru all the olympiad websites where all the pros make their mark)... but they are really nice and fun pple to be with around, despite some of my emo-ing days (i really wondered why i get so emo those days, but i'm definitely picking up cos it is sunny and happy weather!!)... we had a grantchester picnic, which was probably one of the coldest picnics we ever had... photo evidence of being so cold....

(courtesy of shengrong's album... shaoming joins the guanghao penguin club during the picnic)

and of course we had many cookouts, out of which hong kin will always showcase yet of his other "surprise ingredients" for us to "wow" at... it is always a pleasure to have hong kin and shueli cooking for us... while shengrong is evolving to become a good cook too (can't wait to taste a meal cooked by him one day)... various exploits in the restaurants, esp zizzi... where a waiter had practically joked the entire day cos we never gave him "the change" for two consecutive days we had gone there... going to macs and eat and realise the clever ways at which the macs advertise their monopoly game... i guess it is just these small things in life which will really go down the memory lane in time to come...

Well back to topic... I miss you guys seriously!!! first on the list would be SSG! haha... heard they got a simin bday celebration earlier this month... and i guess the members will all be reunited by august, when shouheng is back from heidelberg as well... and yesterday i was looking at the ryanair specials and a return trip to frankfurt would only cost me 15 GBP!! which is like 1/8 of what yibing is planning for her spain trip... shld do another of those day trips with base at a spot vacation, which i think would be super cool...

Next up it would be 7B! and 4A of course! Miss those k-box, pool, cycling, badminton sessions... a just simple gatherings and potlucks! Army friends also!! (was talking to encik the other day on facebook when he invited me for his housewarming like twice... hope u're doing well after ORD-ed!) ok for the benefit of someone who doesn't have a facebook account (for u noe who u are!), here i shall upload this pic again!

And yups to all the pple, it is the exams time now! Good luck for ur exams (though i know some pple like simin shld have ended their exams and now happily looking forward to their real JOBS!!) it just gets scarier to be reminded that how we have to be in the workforce some other time (at least not for me hehe, long way ahead!) and how all the responsibilities have to come into place one day... And very soon I would be hearing ppl lamenting how tough work is, or perhaps discuss about all the workplace politics, while i am happily insulated in the world of academics hahah!

Most importantly, what I couldn't help but notice abt the technology is that it helps to bring some of us closer together, esp my mum who logs onto the msn really quite often (after all she is the only one who is using the internet at home, and of course must maximise the usage!) And hope she has had enjoyed her bday and all the bday cards we've sent!! But it is just quite funny when parents have facebook accounts and start looking at their children taking lame quizzes or having some friends writing some joking comments on their walls... or worse still, being tagged in some photos that they didn't want to be tagged... haha... but i don't really anticipate that happening to me one day ba...

And just to update everyone, i've received my exam schedule! 2 to 10 June!!! but if u are wondering, it is one whole year of stuff... and it's not gonna be easy, esp given how slack and inefficient i am (with the comp right in front of me!)... so yups the best of luck to me to survive the rigorous demands that i have to go thru... and after that I would be looking forward to spain/france!! No more switz cos intending to visit there in winter, and no more amsterdam cos it is a bit out of the way... but ya plenty of fun to look forward to! esp travelling in the famous five grp man! hahaha...

Shall go on to my maths mocks now! Shall be terribly disappointed in myself and hopefully get a wakeup call!!! seeya!

It's Earth Day

2009-04-22T03:08:00.003+08:00

It's Earth Day!

Yups... this blog entry comes at a time when everyone is studying really hard for exams, and even the slackest guy i think would be starting to prepare for the exams... and studying can come in a lot of ways too... picnic studying, sunbathing studying, chillout studying (these two are ironic, but i do see wines and books on the same table), library studying (hmm i spotted kim in the library and she happily daoed my message), comp room studying (a certain bunch of pple, hehe me included, hiding in some small comp room)...

And still the slackiness in me never fades. A comp in front of me essentially will wander me off to somewhere in the world of MSN, looking at the pple signing in and out, hoping to catch some of the perpetual absentees online... or somehow drifting to the whole of facebook, where u simply can't differentiate guys from gals, which sch u were supposed to be from... or the soccernet and the soccer tvs, where u might get disappointed from a lame penalty kick...

Somehow today is a different occasion. I clicked on the eco emails sent out by facebook (usually they will come in twos or threes due to the different grps in eco i joined, like the main grp, the pubs grp and the earth hour grp... and somehow i would start to ignore them as they simply asked for volunteers when i'm clearly not able to help physically back in Singapore)... and there I started to read about the eco publications once again (somehow it brings a different perspective esp when i re-read kenneth's perspective on doing ur part for the Earth and still a touching essay by another volunteer on being the leader for environmental change...)...

And the reading doesn't stop here... perhaps just as my eagerness to know about the current affairs back in Singapore blew up so greatly that I spent the entire morning re-reading the Straits Times pages... the eagerness to know about how the Earth Hour had been conducted (which was a month back), how the environmental scene in Singapore is evolving, and also about the environmental scene back in Cambridge (where there is still a certain level of guilt level involved that i have clamped down so much of my environmental involvement here)... and of course, as usual, I would go back to my bed, sit, and reflect on my stand for the environment on such a day (hmm if shaoming u are reading this, i'm sorry to have told u the wrong date)

In fact, to be honest, I'm not those activists u would imagine proclaiming about the effects of global warming, how each year the amount of temperature rise would result in how much of agricultural loss in output, how much of the inland coasts would be flooded, how much weather changes that the place would undergo (just like how our LBK talked abt ireland, which i found quite relevant)... cos after all, some activists have tried to paint such a picture, without themselves knowing much abt the implication of the meaning behind global warming... where it is more of the global change in weather patterns that would disrupt our lifestyle cycles, and it is not something we could say "stop light for an hour", or "abolish private transport for a day" could help averse the situation.

Rather, my stand has always stemmed from the fact that sustainable lifestyles shld be led in order to achieve an equilibrium with nature. Well, it is hard to even define "sustainable lifestyle", the key word that I have emphasised month after month in the volunteer induction programmes... cos what does it take to be sustainable?

For example, using paper and recycling them is effectively not sustainable as the process of recycling would use a lot of water and energy in producing the paper... on the other hand, afforestation is not sustainable as the paper has to be discarded somehow and waste is a big issue these days... Another example could be about the argument of biofuels (a fuel that one sponsor was kind enough to offer during our organisation of re-live) and hydrogen fuel (a fuel that i have insisted the way to go during the apec conference) is similar... for biofuels, it is claimed to be from natural sources, and can be qualifed as "sustainable", but in itself, the production is questioned to be sustainable in the first place, and can only play a small role in the long run (more of a 'hype' rather than distinct possibility to come)... while hydrogen fuel is an expensive technology these days, thus rendering it economically unsustainable...

So what constitutes sustainable living? one must wonder... good question, cos I can't be sure, and I have just received an email from the college mails that UNEP is trying to define sustainable as well... cos it can't simply be on the level of sustainable for our own... rather the word is being RESPONSIBLE for your own consumption. Perhaps someone could get inspired and write a short prose regarding the everyday responsible actions that one could contribute for the betterment of our environment... And this responsibility stems from education, from inspiring the younger generations and from there influencing everyone to change their lifestyles in their own ways...

I recalled the days when we were organising the environmental forum, and some grps made a very strong stand on some ideas and it was sad to be an observer to see a several few good ideas being overshadowed by 'better ideas' better phrased and crafted... And somehow I'm always very irritated by how some pple who will never fail to quote u statistics and esp from the IPCC panel while not having a good idea about the direction to look forward to...

The situation needs us to take a lot of concerted efforts to make things happen and being clear-headed about what you do, and without ourselves ever realising that hey it works... cos after all, it takes a lot of cycles and generations for the changes to see significant progress on the global scale...

And on this note happy Earth Day everyone!!

*On side note, I'm so envious of keting who gets to take part in the international water conference!! and so sian that i'm gotta give some events a miss due to clashing of schedules!! but seriously i can't wait to go back and see yingzhen and zhikai leading the VMD team, catching up with all my eco friends and perhaps talking to new volunteers, talking to wilson who has never failed to pop on msn and catch up on how i'm doing, and also making up bday celebrations for hanjie and dianne whose bday i've missed!!

[Haha... this is purely very much an envt post, tml (hopefully) will be updating about my lent term + break before embarking on the most terrorful term, EASTER!]

Homerton-Girton Run

2009-04-07T19:54:00.002+08:00

9:30 Start point: Homerton College West House
9:36 Lensfield Road and Hills Road intersection - Massive jam to stone for a minute
9:39 Outside natwest - saw justin
9:40 Reached christ porter's lodge
9:42 Ran to Shengrong's place, asked him to call shueli for my checkpoint no. 2
9:45 Christ Backgate
9:52 New Hall backgate
9:56 After waiting for a long time for shueli decided to just shout for her name cos I din have a hp... all the while jogging on the spot... Drank some water and asked shueli to call shaoming for my next checkpoint - Girton!
10:10 Set off from New Hall backgate
10:22 Reached Girton Main gate, started to feel a little strain in my ankle
10:28 Gave up searching for the way to Shaoming's window, ran back to porter's lodge
10:35 Reached Shaoming's room, topped up some water for my dehydrating body... starting to contemplate of taking a bus from Girton, but gave up the notion (must at least run back to new hall)
10:42 Started run from Girton (shaoming's window) back to New hall
10:49 Passed by Trinity Hall Wichfields, decided to just stop at New Hall due to the sunshine and my increasing ankle strain
10:53 Reached New Hall... drank lots of water, cool down...

Total distance covered: 8km
Total time for running: 10+7+12+11 = 40 mins
Fastest stretch: Homerton to Christ 10 mins in 2.4km (Might be able to get gold timing for IPPT if not for the traffic lights)
Talking crap with friends (Shengrong, Shueli and Shaoming): Priceless!

my favourite song in sec 2

2009-04-05T14:53:00.001+08:00

开始懂了

歌手:孙燕姿专辑:我要的幸福

我竟然没有调头最残忍那一刻
静静看你走一点都不像我

原来人会变得温柔是透澈的懂了
爱情是流动的不由人的何必激动着要理由

相信你只是怕伤害我不是骗我
很爱过谁会舍得
把我的梦摇醒了宣布幸福不会来了
用心酸微笑去原谅了也翻越了
有昨天还是好的
但明天是自己的
开始懂了快乐是选择

2009-04-03T05:31:00.002+08:00

Just came back from a day of mathcad, physics and pool... apart from the usual serious (in our plays) and crappy (how we crap except during hitting of balls) games of pool with vin (always a game of light touches) and fai... and as i was reflecting upon the game of pool on life i can't help but snigger at myself, for thinking so much into things and drawing analogies... (as what i may agree at times, ignorance is blisss - shueli says must drag the s)

but there was this particular moment that i thought abt it when i had the black ball to hit on five different occasions but just missed the hole on those five... the first totally had no angle to it as there was a yellow ball blocking the hole where the black could possibly enter only, the second was one in which the black rattled the sides of the hole, which was why i had chosen to play the light way... but it was the fifth one that really caught my attention... one in which i had quite an open angle to it, but it was a cross table shot on the opp diagonal... and as i was looking far and wide aiming at the exact spot to nail it, my stick just mis-cued...

haha... had a high tendency to miscue one for every five shots... but for this, it would just draw me back to how i would usually aim ambitiously and then fail right at my own doorstep without having even started to do anything... or just like how i would usually like to think far ahead for most things when the most important elements now are not even there...

and how sometimes i would tend to go into a mini slump when things are not coming my way... reminded of how bridge games can get... when me and zh were brilliant, we could chop off wonderful contracts against pros (always that classic game of 19-11 against dcoup in mind), and when we slumped it would be 5 swings in a row or something to that effect... though im pretty much sure my mental aspects have improved vastly in bridge, but in terms of body coordination, i wouldn't be so proud of my previous records... like how the first open frame came in the sixth frame and i could stutter to a finish of 110-120s when it is up to 72++ in the first five frames (in case u are wondering i'm talking abt bowling)...

haha but anyway was pretty happy at how some shots went perfectly to my gameplan with the amount of strength and spin in some cases... haha really wanna go back and play pool with y'all man!! and of course christs jcr also reminded me of fussball with da man!

Some pictures in Ireland and Scotland... (and dun forget london too!)

2009-03-25T18:12:00.002+08:00

2009-03-12T19:45:00.002+08:00

Cycling along the windy road
against the gusting winds,
that is threatening to tear me apart,
hitting where my nerves feel pain.

Pedalling hard on my slender bike,
against all the odds,
where i'm finding all the bright spotlights
and angry horns that ensue.

Realising that my displacement is zero,
against all my efforts
how i wish i'm pushing my bikes at the pavement
and not cycling in this treacherous terrain

Feeling the punch inside my heart
against all my determination
I won't allow myself to wilt
and continue to do what I know I should do.

I believe once this storm is weathered, we would do fine, no matter what the outcome is.

2009-03-05T21:02:00.003+08:00

As I was re-reading cf's blog, I realised that heyhey she had the right words for my situation now...

Sometimes some comments, whether crisp or long, tend to concretise things and portray images that are at least 10 times worse... haha... and sometimes no matter how much i wanna say, a certain of self sufficiency has to be in place...

And I really wonder why doing chem homework makes me so happy while doing physics homework makes me feel so drained... GANBATTE!

Looking forward to successive formals and the varsity match :) No matter what situation it is, we're gonna make the best out of it k? (cheer up!)

2009-03-04T21:53:00.000+08:00

Your silence tells it all

In captive

2009-02-26T06:23:00.004+08:00

Here I am, at the reclusive place,
Standing in the middle of nowhere.
Once I used to step into crowds,
And all I want is to know more friends.

Here I am, at the ulu college,
Everything is too far, and u dun see my face.
Now I want to step into crowds,
And all I get is "you dunno all of them".

Here I am, at the dead quiet room,
Surrounded by dead silence, msn/skype sounds.
The feel of strain, captive and bore,
And all that pain seeping into my brain.

2009-02-24T04:42:00.002+08:00

Was reading kimberle's blog and saw this:-

there’s something important about all the Korean/Jap dramas’ most vital element: cancer. Only with cancer, can we truly cherish a relationship. Only with cancer, will you live at the moment, for the moment. Only with cancer, our eyes are uncovered, letting our soft innate emotions shine through. Only with cancer, will we say “I love you” and mean it.

It is always with failures, with relegations, with the terrible loss of some stuff that you might have had always taken for granted, with the sudden departures of some people who are so close to u yet u wouldn't thank them for everything they did for u that you would start to treasure your previous successes, the positive stuff that might seem easy for u all along and how much we could have done or loved them before they leave you...

It is always at this "minimum" point where u see the finest of your aspects of life, the closest of your relationships ever spent with people and perhaps the truest of friendships and love.

Just as how Chieh had quoted in her blog abt the little gal who faced obstacles all along and saw the beauty in each of them, perhaps it is time for me to appreciate the greatness of things around me.

I appreciate the fact that I am in Cambridge and especially Homerton College (though how much I would complain abt how far away u are, I do love u for your carpeted floor, nice lawns, the automated great hall door and the fabulous library where i could renew books like mad)... The people around me (esp my dearest neighbours who never failed to lift me from my gloom) and kimberle (though i think i start to miss her presence around...)... and many of my other friends (u know who u are :) ) for listening to me rant abt the stress (but hey! it would surprise ppl if i say i'm not stressed here), the disappointments i face and the mini doldrums i'm facing right now :)

And yups, it will only get better :-) After all, I deserve a better life rather than ranting abt how elusive everything is and how un-shun4 things can get.

Just as I would list down things when i'm stressed, things to complete:-
1. Physics 27-32
2. Biology Mindmap
3. Chemistry rest of thermody
4. Contact list for freshers (something to cheer me up!)
5. Discussion with samson regarding bridge arrangements
6. Memorise my dance steps
7. If anyone think i can do more stuff, pls tell me (perhaps i forgot abt it!)

random song

2009-02-10T04:23:00.003+08:00

雪花铺满地草地寥无几
雪人撇着笑掩盖着空虚

春芳满城溢思乡情延续
掩饰了寂寞想家的情绪

痛不说痛心里憋着的话放心里
哭忍不哭看着你的伤心我也很不定

Chorus:

望着你的眼轻扰你的弦
我只能无助眺望着苍天
你说你快乐不需要慰藉
只是想让我能安一些
思念的浮现想念那从前
那已是离开我们的画面
就让一切过去幻化成灰烟

2009-02-04T00:33:00.006+08:00

Sometimes how have i wished i could have said something when i had wanted to... perhaps it just requires courage?

Anyway here are some photos for all to see. Lotsa people coming to cambridge and having fun in this snowy town (for these two days):-

And finally a picture of snowy homerton!

2009-01-27T23:59:00.002+08:00

As I was burying a good friendship with someone who shared with me pain and sorrow through my difficult times and enjoyed some good times out there together, I wonder.

I really wonder.

Can we ever go back to the days when we would be so carefree talking abt stuff?

Can we ever be friends again?

Can we ever be truthful to each other?

The hurt will tinge, the sorrow will sap. Deep in my heart, you are still my friend though... and I would always welcome you back... though i shld say circumstances have forced us to such a roadblock that i have no choice but to do it.

2009-01-24T10:28:00.002+08:00

Didn't do well for mocks, a real reminder of how things have gone awry in my J1 year... just as i was recounting all those days with chieh hwee! Yupps... and i guess if i were to reach the A* conditions, I must really work hard compared to last term... well at least compared to michealmas and first two weeks of lent...

Suddenly missing those months at eco, the working relationship i have cultivated with my re-live team... just wondering when would the forum team ever meet up again... haha... and whether i could get in touch with the team that i've worked with in ICES... and it would really be a nice time catching up!

Yups uploading photos with chieh real soon! So do watch out for this space, xuet!

A first week that we got to enjoy at cambridge

2009-01-20T20:49:00.003+08:00

Hmmm seeing the dust on my blog (and of course chieh's blog...), I couldn't resist but shall blog again!!!

Have been coughing these days... thanks to a lot of factors like the sudden temperature drop that I have had to adjust, the lack of rest and plunge into the mocks when i've just got back, the milo dino that i made myself before taking the exams and a serious lack of sleep... hmmm had been trying to eat a lot of medicine ppl gave me + those i bought at boots and tried to pop strepsils into my mouth every now and then... but it seems that they aren't working really as effectively as they would claim on me... but yups at least i'm better and can do work (plus typing loads of stuff here!!!!)

First week of lent term is slacker in comparison to Michealmas first week... perhaps they're trying to give pple time to do holiday homework which is very hard to be done in the break. I'm glad that I've indeed spent my time well during the hols... meeting up with the ssg pple (esp shouheng whom i really miss watching soccer at his house), class ppl, buddies, cnb ppl (going back for a tourney gets u quite updated with stuff going on as well) and so many friends and family too!!! Had reserved my last week to prepare for the mocks but I dun think I would have regretted going out with all the pple in the end, cos I think meeting up with them really make my day!

oh... and to give myself less distraction this term, I've decided to leave all the vcds at home and for board games i've just brought citadels... left my 'biopolis' and half-completed 'save the mother earth' at home... and till now i realised i shall decide quickly what i'm gonna do for easter break... resolute to make the decision by this weekend... now there are plans to:-
1. USA (perhaps just a new york + washington tour and skip the toronto part that i had wanted to go for... and i think kim has been waiting for the answer from me for a long time)
2. Europe (looks like the greece plan is out and we're going to italy/france)
3. Singapore (well a good place to go, considering my mum's bday falls within the hols... but could i study there??)
4. Australia (a really outside plan, but my neighbour has been asking me to do there since day one... haha)

Yups haha!!! u see how undecided i am right... but i can tell u i am now most likely going for plan 1/2 and i will confirm that very soon once i talk to the europe ppl abt my decisions... but anything could happen so i'm not saying anything now in case i disappoint pple!!!

Things to look forward to this week:-
1. Astro talk on Wednesday
2. Bridge and Cookout on Thursday!!
3. Chieh's coming on Friday + watching kim's concert + 通宵bridge!!
4. Portland bowl on Saturday
5. Steamboat dinner at yibing's place on Sunday!!
6. 大团拜 for the cny period!!
7. Homerton steamboat on Tuesday too!

Anyway here are some pictures taken in the month of January!!!

Truncated song writing

2009-01-08T00:22:00.003+08:00

还记得那时候你可曾对我说
说天空多辽阔

看世界的灿烂天际为我们蓝
笑声起伏不断

ok... somehow when happy songs come to mind i shall jot it down... since it is such a rarity that occurs... i've been writing all the sad songs unless the songs are written for non-personal reasons... getting tired so i shan't write too much... perhaps will continue one day when i'm more free and inspired! anyway the tune is just running in my head so i need to jot down my chorus such that the next day when i wake up i will still hopefully remember the song (since it is so late and i won't want others to wake up and hear my recordings hahahah) :)

anyway thank you for breathing joy into my life!

Cycling culture

2008-12-16T21:07:00.004+08:00

Haha... at the PRESSURE of chieh (she wants it to be typed this way), I am blogging again here...

Well... it was just a piece of very scary news that struck me as I was one quarter reading my bio textbook and having most of my attention on the tv (even though it's just the commercials... but i do miss watching tv). In short a cyclist was knocked dead by a bus in Singapore.

Yeps... was trying to search for such an article online but couldn't find it. Perhaps it would be working up its way into the news soon... but yups... such a thing would be unimaginable in my context, where practically buses give way to cyclists (and not the other way), and especially using the horns only when necessary. Somehow having to cycle on "cycle/bus lanes" give me a safe feeling, which would certainly not be a case in Singapore. Little wonder why my mum is so concerned and upset when I insisted on cycling in Cambridge.

Perhaps it was why Singapore was such a cyclist unfriendly country, especially on the roads, that alternatives looking at using pavements have been on trials at Tampines, with variable results reported. Somehow I do not favour the approach on cyclists on pavements as well... There was once that I experienced a close shave when I was walking on quite a dark pavement when I suddenly felt some light was coming behind me and I stood to the grass, only to have a motorcyclist zooming past me... and this was the same feeling that I got whenever cyclists just zoomed past me with me alert to the danger and giving way first. Would be unimaginable if I wasn't concentrating (e.g. talking on phone) and some crash really took place...

Ok back from the distraction, the impatience that I sense in drivers can be seen be it that a "slow" cyclist is in front of them and a particular pedestrian is taking his/her own sweet time crossing the road at the T-jucntion... somehow they will want to use the horn and irritate everyone around... The bus drivers would justify that they have timings to meet, the van drivers would stress that they have to deliver the goods asap, the car drivers might say they are late for meetings already... but does that few seconds missed just allowing the cyclists the chance to go to the nearest pavement so as to allow the car pass, or letting the pedestrian complete his other 20-30m to the pavement so crucial?

Basically, it just takes more understanding and consideration for others and such tragic cases as mentioned above would have been avoided easily. As a proponent of cycling over private transport in Singapore, it is the cycling culture and education that we have to work on, before a larger proportion of the population would take to the bikes for more significant travel around the small little island. While of course at the same time, more cycling lanes (or mandatory cycling lanes along the idea of bus lanes) would be helpful!

Cheer up!

2008-12-11T06:41:00.003+08:00

At the request of Chieh Hwee, here I am blogging again!

Yup just touched down in Singapore just two days back, and feel that it is a good time to do a recap of what went on in Cambridge... realised I did not take photos of any of the events I've gone to, not a lot in particular, but well generally enjoyed the feel and the coolness at cambridge (we shall think of the better weather on the other side - just like how i miss the heat in Singapore)

Everytime as I was riding on the bike to sch, amidst slowly appreciating the landscape in Cambridge that I've got to pass by, feeling the occasional chilly wind blowing right into your face, and experiencing the drag force that manages to pull you away and make you stop at zero displacement though u are pedalling non-stop on ur bike, I just can't help but appreciate that hey I'm Cambridge and this should be the high time in my life! Thinking of how I can make fuller use of my time other than indulging in the rigourous academic schedule (Mind you it is a six-day work week for us), like how I could contribute to the environmental scene in Cambridge, how should I get exposed to more of the British culture, and getting involved myself in more activities...

Admittedly, I could have put in more effort when I saw my supervision predictions... not a good score card to have among the Singaporeans, but still quite a good one in my college... but in a sense, with the circumstances surrounding me, I think I did fairly okie, and at least I knew the direction that I've worked to. Had a good talk with Jackie, and yups I won't change myself to mug really hard cos I know it wouldn't work effectively for my case; but definitely a change of studying style is required.

Once a Physics lecturer mentioned "Once it is going, it keeps going"... it is particularly true in nat sci context! To see how concepts can be covered in a blink of an eye and expecting self study in the little miserable time we have left, I think it is always a challenge to upkeep. But it is also a matter of enjoying urself too amidst all the piles of work!

And definitely, I really appreciate the people around me! They can't get any better! Esp my neighbour has been a real good friend that I can look for support whenever things are down or esp I'm lazy to cook that day :-)... kimberle who is always available for a chat at godly times, jackie who is a dependable partner in bridge and someone I can really look for help, Shaoming who walks/cycles with me up and down the Tennis Court Road in between lectures and always someone good to have beside ur lectures, the other nat scis who are really friendly and approachable too!!! Besides great to know the Brits beside me, like Arun, Wilson and Yebuny... always interesting to share with them perspectives in life!

For you

2008-11-25T00:52:00.002+08:00

懂你 (满文军)
　　
你静静的离去
一步一步孤独的背影
多想伴着你,告诉你我其实多么的爱你

花静静的绽放
在我忽然想你的夜里
多想告诉你,其实你一直都是我的奇迹

一年一年,风霜遮盖了笑脸
你寂寞的心有谁还能够体会
是不是春花秋月无情
春去秋来,你的爱已无声

把爱全给了我,把世界给了我
从此不知你心中苦与乐
多想靠近你
告诉你我其实一直都懂你

把爱全给了我,把世界给了我
从此不知你心中苦与乐
多想靠近你
依偎在你温暖寂寞的怀里

Pensive mood

2008-11-09T17:19:00.002+08:00

It has been a roller coaster week, with something turning out for everyday...

I guess it had really hit me hard from the start, but slowly I'm realising that I didn't lose out on anything and gained a lot more from here, and in retrospective, it could have been the best timing it was set out on. Similarly, in another case which had been bothering me and a friend quite a lot, I realised the importance of drawing lines between boundaries, which I would hate to do so but necessary.

Had some really good talks with several peeps in cambridge, like my 'mum' kim, shaoming, cai na, shengrong, etc... and okie.... To quote from Cai Na, "one of my friends asked me why the Singaporeans always sit together in cells lecture"... on first glance, I guess it gets very cliquish and unnecessary, after all we have applied to come here and in everyone's mind they would wish to experience the local culture and friends here... but sometimes I guess it gets the kind of warmth I do not feel most other times of the day cos most singaporeans will be in different places doing practs, supervisions, CCAs... and lecture times are good times where the Singaporeans can update about what happen in the typical "Singlish"... yups and glad to know more pple over here too!

And I am glad that dad has enjoyed his birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Yes or No?

2008-10-28T16:07:00.007+08:00

This favourite phrase by Mrs Ke in physics lessons apparantly sounds easy to answer, esp when you have cold hard facts, but when it comes to decision making, sometimes there are too many things to consider when saying Yes or No.

Apparantly, this is too good a chance to be missed, after all it is the first conference that's so big scale that eco is invited and it is held in Poland where I would be really glad to join.... but it's just so within the school term and I have already booked my return to Singapore... well, shall talk more to the DoS and my tutor regarding it!

Okie... now I shall show some photos taken in London, when we got an extra hour due to the daylight saving! and for that extra hour, we played citadels... great to join in the mini maf (when you can count me, jackie and zhibang the non-london pple) and meet up with fellow A* peeps! And of course had to know of some juicy news!! hehe...

And here are some of the photos taken!

Leaving our chalk prints at the mini maf!

My weiqi senior Chor Ming (haven't really talked to him for ages)!

And after the mini maf, I started my tour at Beit! With Yang Le bringing me around to see the Singaporeans!

And yups, after disturbing ppl like Yipei, Shiwei and Ling fan, I twice visited Amrik and Jasmine but they are not in! So after which we went to the gardens and started playing board games!!! And of course everyone gets a taste of Biopolis! Funnily, Kang Yee was upgraded to Isaac Newton and I was upgraded to Charles Darwin though we are studying chemistry! But in this world of science, who knows what will happen when you decide to explore a particular interest later in ur life?

Yeps... had a good night at Ming wang's place and all thanks to yang le's air bed, it is one of the best sleepovers I ever had! And we played some table soccer (which is quite fun!!) before heading back to cambridge!!!

See you guys soon one day!

Bloggy mood!

2008-10-19T04:39:00.004+08:00

Wow okie...

Finally 1.5 weeks of studies over, and 6.5 weeks more before the first break starts.

Yesh... realised my blog is not really updated these days! Haha... Ok... shall start updating from my birthday celebrations... This time it is really special cos i have not been celebrating these years (as in self-initiate)... actually this year would have just wanted a simple affair, but yups my aunt offered to help me celebrate in a chalet and everything last minute came into place...

26th Sept

First night was with the eco pple, and it is really great to see 4 different generations of VMD heads come and gather! Haha... a good day to hand over the baton to Ying Zhen whom I believe could bring the team to greater heights... with her, paulin, and the "threesome" - haha dunno why they are called that way but I would single them out... Peirong, Jialing and Huihong, and hopefully everything in the department can slowly fall into place. And of course it is a great time to catch up with guys like Minghui, Zhihao (very funnily their chinese names are exactly the same as mingfai and alvin, which i only realised like now!), Janelle, Sheena and Yihan who had worked alongside me for the first half of the year... btw i still haven't yet to meet cheryl in person just so weird... and din manage to see kephren, one who certainly inspired my journey in eco... Oh yes! Thank you guys for all your comments on the card and I certainly love the pullover (I'm wearing it these days!) + scarf (which i would terribly need when temp is getting colder)... and yups thanks to the threesome for ur very nice wallet... somehow u all got me something that's so desperately needed by me haha!

Secondly, my RE-live committee!!! Haha sadly Jo + Fio are in Switz and Germany liao... but despite it being so close to their hectic exam week, they came!! Yups, but of course, we celebrated in conjunction Sihui's birthday as well... haha... will always remember her birthday since she is one day and one year smaller than me! (it is esp easy to remember when birthdays are +-1 of mine)... And thanks for ur heartwarming words on the autograph book guys! I hope that through the RE-live planning process, we have learnt much more from each other, just like how I have learnt from you guys as well! And these times, though one of the more fiery moments in ECO, are also the moments that I would remember fighting alongside with you guys despite all the odds and problems we face! Yups and thanks for the choc calc, though cambridge doesn't allow and I have to buy a calculator with a "CU" sticker on it... hahah...

Haha... of course, other ppl who have played a big part in my ECO journey like Zhikai, Christine and Jack came as well... and i must mention Zhikai who has been integral in the NDP operations for being quite a motivating force for me in ECO as well... while at the same time, thank you wilson, ryal and many others who couldn't make it but certainly in one way or another had given me valuable lessons and advice in ECO!

27th Sept

And after the gathering with ECO ppl, ben wong, zhang wei and serene came to my chalet to play board games! and we got to try out the game biopolis (with the different A* scholars to auction for in a saint pete's setting) and road to throne that I've made! of course, we would get to play the usual games of saboteur and etc... I realised I'm really missing it... one day must go london and play with the lads!!! This is followed by going to the airport in the morning to send off Yang Le and Cai Na at the airport, but it was quite a different feeling from other send offs in which I was trying to imagine the day I'm flying off...

Then came karaoke with Joanna and Changfang! yups got to belt out some duets and experimented with quite a lot of songs... particularly remember the part when we sing Chuang Wai and we both got so high (with the melody fitting in so nicely) that I started to sing some accompaniment until too loud (and yups so wrong and funny OH... OHing)... Sorta my last k-box outing at Singapore and thanks u guys for singing with me! Though right now i've been k-ing quite a bit from my laptop! Youtube does have quite a few karaoke tracks (minus one) and some of the vcds do help!!! So must sing when i'm back in Singapore, cos after all in room we can't sing too loud as well!

And then came the dinner and the bday celebration! Quite a lot of the 7B peeps turned up (though yichao pangseh as usual) and Dawn appeared! And it was quite embarassing that I thought it was drey on the phone when it was guan lin! haha... couldn't recognise phone voices well enough... and i think eugene was so funny when he talked to guan lin and she couldn't recognise him until quite late! Yeps... Thanks for the Chang beer (well, in UK we have a lot a lot of beer), the small little book, the pencil case, etc!

And yups... how could i forget about the Sengkang study grp! hmm... well thanks for the board and it is well displayed in my room! right in front of me somemore! and as for the cookbook... hmmm veri hard to get the ingredients and i'm now cooking very happily as well... so i shall read it up when i get bored with my current dishes ba! and really thank you guys, esp simin, ps and huilan for giving me such a wonderful time since JC and i really appreciate the close friendships that we enjoy! and of course shouheng!!! when am i going to see u ah!! i so miss u liao k? esp the nights when i watch man u matches at ur place hahaha!

Thanks to yong liang, samuel (for your parker pen!), zehan, perry and the bridge team (haha it was our last 'gathering' as GG in fact before we are pursuing our studies), army friends (oh yesh finally got to see wang jian after so long! and yups now i realise i miss a bit of clarence's crap... and thanks ken for ur photos!), sok ee + ben + ken for the bag that i'm carrying now (out of the three i got! this shows our chui my bag is, esp when the class gals gave me in J2 intending for the use in uni)... and last but not the least, my family which has always been such a great emotional support behind me!

And many thanks to the rest who have wished me thru sms, calls (like xuetying's call! haha i realised i haven't talked to ya for a long time and glad that u are coping well!), facebooks, etc!

Okie... getting real tired! Shall update more when I have the time (though to readers, it shld be a weekly feature most likely!) so stay tuned!

对天空的眷恋

2008-10-19T04:19:00.004+08:00

突然之间
有一种油然而生的冲动
在笔记簿
写着对蓝天的遐想

你曾对我说
蓝天的美不在她的明媚
白云的衬托
才突现蓝天的绚丽

你也曾对我说
下午四点标志天的灰暗
冬天夜空的长
提醒我蓝天的渴望

夜空灰尘的乌云
遮拦了上空盘旋的繁星
对望着一个星空
诉说我们各的故事

Looking at the stars

2008-10-06T04:09:00.002+08:00

I was randomly looking at the sky tonight
A night without rain, wind and cold to fight
And looking at the stars that made it bright
One, two, three... and there are more in sight

As I was looking at the sky,
with no one around me heads up high.
though deep in my heart i do know,
there is someone who does follow.

Last tuition

2008-09-25T00:13:00.002+08:00

In a real pensive mood today...

Just finished my real last tuition before going to Cambridge (really wonder when is the next time I'm going to give tuition at such a frequency), but let me list the students I have taught after I have ORD-ed (no matter it is two tuitions or over the year):-

Jasmine

Huiqing

the sengkang gal whom i forgot the name

Wei Hern

Chi Hern

Tasha

Lianna

Kok Joon

Xinrui

Peiying

Seraphina

Taihong

Bronn

Thank you for having impacted my life in one way or another, for allowing me to mentor you and guide you through the various concepts, for sharing me with your concerns to do well, and most importantly having your grades improved that really bring a smile to me even when i am sad or frustrated.

Most importantly, thank you for your wishes. I won't forget Wei Hern and Chi Hern's mum for being so understanding (commented by Lionel as well) and accomodating all the timing changes; I won't forget how Bronn (my only P6 kid cos aik joon passed to me) would always come up to me and get me to do some funny actions with him; I won't forget the times with Lianna where I really saw the determination in a gal really desiring to do well for her exams...

Thank you tutees! You have been a joy to teach!

Random Thoughts

2008-09-17T21:42:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I just wonder...
what has been pushing me all along against the currents...
when it would have really been easy to just back out...
but when I realise everything is just a matter of mind games,
I smile

I smile,
not just because I have persevered,
not only because I have grown through the experiences,
not merely because I have understood more about more
but because you have impacted my life.

And there I smile,
thinking of the good times that we had...
laughing at the blooper moments where we ran into...
ringing in my mind the dreams that we had....
and these are moments that i will never forget

Slackest day of the week (1 tuition only!!!)

2008-09-04T09:30:00.002+08:00

Wow... must make good use of today!!! Things to be done:-
1. ECO Awards Proposal
2. Checking out my accom at Cambridge
3. Planning how to teach finish the syllabus for my kids
4. Making sure i get my textbook list!

2008-08-23T00:09:00.002+08:00

have been in a particular bloggy mood this week!

hmmm just came from tuition from lianna and she mentioned to me how her hunger to be determined and study hard had influenced her friend, who in turn became motivated by her... and when lianna was a bit down, the enthusiasm in her friend brought her back and encouraged her to study even harder... power of study partners!

i guess that's something that really brought me memories of sengkang study grp... and as i was reading the autograph book, i got a bit moved by the fact that how all of us still kept in touch despite having not been studying together for so long (i guess one day we would need to take photos of us mugging, or just pretending to mug) haha... yups... the times when we accompanied simin to laminate some stuff, the times when i would always be the first to reach and someone the last (haha, i think he is seldom late these days)... and i would always remember how we would motivate each other as well!

and yups... by this time i thot QQ and shouheng would be back already... ok make no mistake... QQ isn't really part of the study grp but he came twice to study with us at the captain cook... hmm if QQ u are reading my blog, yeps... wanna wish u belated happy birthday! and for shouheng, ahhhs... need to wait till sept for him to be back! but well he would be in time for a big gathering then! and ssg can send us off on consecutive dates!

realise that it is just slightly more than a month before i'm flying off... yups and it is confirmed that i would be back from 9 Dec to 12 Jan! So pple if we aren't able to meet up during this period, remember to call me during that period k? though i'm not really sure i would be retaining my number... but but... i would more than welcome any meetups these days (those tuitions here and there may compromise a bit la)... and i wanna k as well too! haha!

distance and perceptions

2008-08-18T11:32:00.002+08:00

just saw from soki's blog

"when distance is a perception, does that mean it has unwittingly became a self-fulfilling prophecy?

when distance is a choice, does that mean that a different company is preferred?"

I guess I would wanna say distance is a perception by choice! But in this context, when distance is a perception, it may bridge closer or go further. It takes the two points to bridge it or break it. And I thought that in this case, Darwin's theory of evolution really comes into mind. When distance is being perceived, paths separate and other sides undergo their different experiences (just like how geographical separation leads to variations at other sides)... but ultimately when the differences in thinking and mindsets set in in perhaps years to come, ppl will come back and appreciate each other better...

and yups for the second part, it differs for ppl actually... sometimes i guess it is the personal space that each person yearns for themselves, sometimes it is really preference of another company and moving on, and sometimes i guess it is just that both do not fit in, not that both do not prefer each other? hahaha

but i hope that there will not be any distance for me and my friends! esp the first few days in cambridge where I heard I wouldn't get any internet access! OMG lar...

some thoughts about tuition

2008-08-18T11:18:00.004+08:00

Just feel a bit dejected... browsing through some blog entries which made me re-think about my priorties in that particular vulnerable part in me...

Okie... but anyway these days have been crazily fun and busy... 8 tutees and yups this week I would welcome yet another new J1 tutee! Hope the tuition would be useful! Anyway, here's a summary of the story from my mum that I had wanted to share long ago on the blog:-

My dad, in his primary school days, had little pocket money given his upbringing. In school, he knew that his mathematics was his weakest topic and he understood that he would really need tuition to pull up his grades in mathematics. So he took up a few other errands, helping ppl buy stuff and getting small tips all around his neighbourhood and slowly accumulated enough money - just enough money to go for group tuition. And his hard work paid off eventually.

When my mum told me about this story, I reflected and wondered at times how I could put in more effort to coach some of my kids at times especially when it is right smacked in a tuition marathon or after a long and exhaustive day esp at bridge. Sometimes I would charge less or coach even more hours to make up for it as well...

However it has been quite disheartening to see that for some instances, it is the parents who would like to force the tuition on the kids who sometimes may not need the tuition or feel that they may not need it. Sometimes I just feel this makes things counterproductive and it ends up a waste of time on both sides. And in some other cases, the students thought that through tuition they shld be able to improve but they still dun put in the effort to take in the learning pts... appears that the impression of "A,B,C had tuition and they improved, so if i had tuition i would improve" had got to them.

Ok! One last month of pia-ing tuition and off I will go to UK! and yeps just to update the readers, I would be coming back in dec during the hols!

Quotes from InspireMe

2008-07-16T11:28:00.003+08:00

Hmm basically i thought the quotes from InspireMe were great and sometimes they lit my day... though not really so when I checked my bills and they do charge! Anyway here are some of the quotes that I find quite applicable...

"When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future" - Bernard Meitzer

Indeed, past is past. As what we always told ourselves after your exams. As what my partner told me after the bridge game where silly mistakes are made. But what's most important is that we take the lessons from the past - and move on. There is no point holding grudges over things that you could not change - the old problems couldn't be solved unless one initiates the moving forward. And that is the sense of release that comes with forgiveness.

"The least touchable object in the world is the eye"- Rudolf Arnheim

Not in the physical sense though... throw a punch and I'm sure it hits the eye. However its figurative meaning is strong. We do hold strong perceptions in our eyes and they are the least touchable when it comes to compromising or taking in what others say. At the very least of "being humble", one needs to enable the eye to see the world, and be open to perceptions.

And for those who love to procrastinate (me included!), here is a nice quote from Pope John Paul II.

"The future starts today, not tomorrow"

And for pessimists, another quote here from Bill Cosby:-

"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it." Guess certainly desire will help us overcome some of our own negative perceptions and work towards the goals we look ahead to. And I guess once those 'negative implications' are removed, one is certainly more determined in his course of work.

Oh yes... as I just read the report from Miss Universe, it was talking abt the winning speech that Miss Venezuela gave regarding the difference between men and women. According to her, the closest distance for men is a straight line, while the closest distance for women is a curve. Here's quite a relevant quote that helps to complete the picture that she is trying to depict:-

"Curve: The loveliest distance between two points." - Mae West

Do you have your own interpretations regarding this? Seriously I don't think guys do lack that bit of human touch and love as what that statement suggests.

And lastly the quote of the day:

"Something which we think is impossible now is not impossible in another decade." — Constance Baker Motley

To give a brief history of this quote, Constance Baker Motley is the first Black woman in US to become a federal judge. (and along with so many other feminist quotes, I was wondering whether InspireMe is such a service. But well I enjoyed it :)) And yes, I would just like to say along the spirit of this quote that nothing is impossible, and the word of "never" is never a certainty.

Back to my world of waiting!

Pensive mood

2008-07-12T21:51:00.001+08:00

It is never thru such incidents u realise the value of your sense of sight (and perhaps watching the Stairs to Heaven and experiencing in ur own life is a total different feeling)

Well... life is precious and treasure every moment of it, esp with ur immediate family members.

About returning to my old lifestyle

2008-07-05T13:00:00.002+08:00

Woohoo! For those who are wondering how come this blog is gone liao, it is updated again!

Yesh... and i'm pretty glad to be returning the very old lifestyle of being at home, having the interactions with my family and friends, back to bridge and pretty soon (and determined i shall say), i shall pick up the books and slowly get back to the mode.

For the past few weeks, I've thought the pre-departure programme is rather fun and well, I have learnt a lot about myself, esp thru the OBS camp... and i'm sure a few others are as well and it is great to have ppl like tiong soon and zhong liang in our watch... and of course fun to interact with the many others within the grp.

As for the ECO side, RE-live! is officially ended, and I wouldn't want to comment anymore regarding the event. As what hanjie said, "it is time to move ahead", i shan't be bothered to bring up abt those issues that had upset everyone so much... and of course glad that my time is further freed up to do things that I genuinely would like to do.

For those who have been following my blog for my europe trip updates, I'm sorry not to have updated given my crazy schedules in May/June and well whatever effort is put in for these months, i must say i have learnt a lot and it is time for a new direction to come in. and yesh, i will strive to do well in bridge (given the disastrous outing last week against nuss)

less than 3 months and i would be off this island, so whoever wanna meet me pls come and find me!!! would be more than glad to chat with u up!

2008-05-25T11:49:00.000+08:00

Hi Friends!

By now, those of who you who have a Facebook Account, will have heard of RE-live@Atrium, 2008. As for those who have not, this event is an environmental carnival organized by youths for youths like you. It will be held from the 5th to 15th June, at the Atrium@Orchard (near the open area that is in front of Plaza Singapura). There are many activities for you and your friends to participate together. So, prepare yourself for a fun-filled and enriching week ahead!

The following is an outline on the array of exciting activities lined up for you:
1. Bike-a-thon
Want to break a record for Singapore and get fit at the same time? Then, come down to Atrium@Orchard to participate in our Bike-a-thon. Participants are encouraged to try on the gym bikes available and take part in the record breaking process! Souvenirs will be given if you are able to clock a certain distance!
Date: 5th to 15th June 2008
Time of event: 10am to 10pm daily

2. Green Mile

Walking is not just a dull form of exercise. Join us in this walk to discover the benefits that walking can bring to our lifestyle and environment. At the same time, explore the greenery in the Central Business District area and enjoy in the small challenges we’ve planned for you along the way. Free shirts and refreshments will be given out! What’s more, attractive prizes in the form of Ipods are to be won!

Date: 8th June 2008
Time of event: 9am to 12pm

There is also an Engage! Roadshow to share with the public on the latest developments on environmental technology. Themed based on water, waste, food and energy, the Roadshow will enable a multi-sensory feel of how’s like to live in a sustainable environment in the future! Something not to be missed!

The following is a list of the stage games prepared just for you:

1. Snakes n Ladders:
Are you sure we are playing this child-time game? This is definitely not your traditional Snakes n Ladders game. For the first time, the players will be the ‘pawns’ instead of the usual checkers. Not only will you walk on an interesting game mat, you will be amazed at the interesting facts and surprises that are waiting for you to discover. Overcome all the obstacles along the way in your bid to be the Green Champion!

Individuals or teams of 3-4 members are welcome to participate.

Date: 7th (Sat), 8th (Sun) and 14th June (Sat)
Time of event: 2pm to 3pm (for individuals); 3.30pm to 4.30pm (for teams)

2. Guess!
Ever wonder the amount of waste generated daily by a typical Singaporean? Ever tempted to take a risk by making a guess? Well, here’s your chance now. There will be video clips and structures for you to whet your appetite in guessing. Just a few questions and you are on your way to win attractive prizes!
Date: 7th (Sat), 8th (Sun) and 14th June (Sat)
Time of event: 8pm to 9pm

3. Handicraft Competition

No place to show your creativity? Then, it’s time to exercise your brainpower and nimble fingers! Take part in our handicraft competition and impress the judges and the public with your handicraft art piece made from recyclables. Teams of 3-4 are welcome!
Date: 15th June (Sun)
Time of event: 12 noon to 4 pm

For registration of the games, please visit http://relive2008.blogspot.com or contact me at my handphone number!

Hope to see you at our event!

Europe trip! (UK, 9 Apr)

2008-05-14T12:04:00.002+08:00

Took the Qatar Airways and Benjy and I reached the Heathrow Terminal 3 at 1:30! A blast of very comfortable air came in as we were walking on the aerobridge, and I was wondering, "I wouldn't mind if that's the temperature..." After all, it is our first time experiencing such sub-10 degrees...

Walked to the passport counter and was quite irritated by an Indian who just cut us by pretending to talk to his fellow ppl who's in front of us in the queue... well, he thought we looked chinese and didn't know the english they were talking about... haha... something very small, but well at least I don't see this in Singapore... (and that's why I'm blogging here! Cut queue tip #1!)

So by the time we walked to the outside, it was around 2pm... Poor QQ had arrived by 1pm... and wow... so long hadn't we met! And yup, it was a long way to the underground station... and because of ken's delay (he had to take another flight as the A380 is full), we decided to deposit our bags at QQ's place and went to the imperial college. Took a walk at hyde park and it was a very nice temperature, except my tears kept coming out... perhaps the wind is too strong or what... and we took some photos at hyde park as well! Above was one of them!

Finally, we got thru to Ken and we proceeded to the Generator's Hostel though by then we had been quite starved cos we did not have lunch on the plane itself... Generator's was quite a cool place and at least we got three beds in a room, all to ourselves... and so that night, QQ brought us to the tower bridge and we had wagamama... it was the sort of food that once u tried, u wouldn't try it the second time... and QQ's reasoning for not giving tips (because we are students!) was sorta funny (Ken loved to repeat that whenever he doesn't feel like doing so)

Took some photos at Tower Bridge, while the London Bridge is sorta regrettable... Benjy was of course super excited and asked us to take a lot of photos at the Tower (only reason being his camera failed on him!) haha... later we proceeded to the Westminister and saw the Big Ben, London Eye... proceeded to Leicester Square and the Trafalgar Square... so that pretty summarises the first day!!!

Perhaps I should aim to update one day everyday!!!

2008-05-04T11:10:00.003+08:00

Tagged by Janelle. =)

How to Play

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. No cheating.
4. With the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.
5. Tag 5 people.

How are you feeling today? What Do I do - 许慧欣

Simply the song is talking about reliance on the particular loved one, and how this could be taken for granted... haha... so how to link to me? Perhaps the same sort of xing4 fu2 feeling i got, considering I've got really good friends around me and of course my great dad and mum!

Will you get far in life? Liang Shan Bo and Zhu Li Ye - Cao Ge and Genie Zhuo

Well this doesn't really answer the question... But hopefully it suggests I can go far, considering this song is about across 'centuries' of love from two different love stories...

How do your friends see you? Wherever You will Go - The Calling

Haha... "I'll go wherever you will go"... Usually my friends say where to go and I'll say "you go somewhere nice then we just follow you lor" Hahahaha...

Will you get married? Shou Fang Kai

OMG! Sad sad...

What is your best friend’s theme song? You are the Love of My life - Emil Chou and Ann Louise

Wow... If only that's true?

What is the story of your life? Wen Rou De Ye - Chew Sin Huey

多希望用我小小的一生静静为你点亮一盏灯 yep!!! Think this line fits in the question! I love empowering and guiding the others!

What was high school like? Tian Tang - Guang Liang

High school is like heaven! Certainly, esp with the bunch of peeps around! Just wondering when there'll be the next gathering or what... hahah...

What’s in store for this weekend? Zhi Dui Ni You Gen Jue - Farenheit and Hebe

Wow... weekend is going to be over, so if it's the next one, then it will be the Forum!!! Ok... fate decides, so perhaps I'll bump into that someone? Hahaha...

How’s your life going? Yuan Lai - JJ Lin

Well, recently yes, but not for me... 原来最疼痛的表情竟是没有情绪... I've seen some peeps really got it coming, and beneath their calm expressions, I could feel the pain inside...

How can you get ahead in life? Zhi Zu - Mayday

Yup, I'm easily satisfied! Just be an earnest person, be frank with me!!! As I always said, I hate hypocrites!

What’s the best thing about your friends? Ma De Li Bu Si Yi - Jolin Tsai

No real link, but I shall kope the last three words! My friends are all uniquely amazing in their ways!

What song will they play at your funeral? Ju Hua Tai Piano Accompaniment

Sounds like I'm like a warrior or wat... hahaha...

How does the world see you? Busy Cowboy - Jay Chou

COOL. I think I'm always busy!!!

Will you have a happy life? Wo yen hen xiang ta - Stefanie Sun

Seriously no link, but while I'm thinking of perhaps some ppl (as in the song), I'll still stay happy... No pt not happy over these sort of issues!

Do people secretly lust after you? Wo Ai De Ren - Taiwan Superstars

Haha... seriously what's there to lust for? Ok... but I'll make sure I will tangle out of triangles if I am in, so that this song will not come true!

How can you make yourself happy? Wu Yue Tian - SHE

Think about the nice wu yue tian, and all my troubles will be far away!

What should you do with your life? Superwoman - Cao Ge

Treasure everyone around me, "bu neng shi qu ni"!

Will you ever have children? Xin Gan Qing Yuan - Guang Liang

Depends on consensus... But I won't mind =)

What song would you strip to? Music of the Night

Hahaha... When u hear "Slowly, gently"? but seriously this is too nice a song that one will strip to...

What does your mum think of you?Hen Xiang Shuo - Li Sheng Jie

Good good!!! Think we tend to be less open abt these words... but I know my mum loves me and I love my mum!

What is your deep, dark secret?Di Yi Tian - my voice recording!

Yep! Dark secret, cos I got zao xia once in the song, anyway recroded to be sent to xuetying last time to tell her this song is singable... hahaha....

What is your mortal enemy’s theme song? Ye de shi ren - Jiang Mei Qi

Oh... no enemies for me... but perhaps my mortal enemy is striking me when it's dark and i'm defenceless hahaha...

What’s your personality like?Yi Ge Ren Zou - Guang Liang/ Wei Lan

Solo guy? haha... but sometimes i do like to take a walk on my own, reflecting in the serenity and uninfluenced by anyone...

What song will be played at your wedding?Somewhere Only we Know - Keane

Hmmm nice song... can consider!!! But of course it depends on the other half as well =)

I am tagging:1. Alvin 2. Xuetying 3. Chieh Hwee 4. Sok Ee 5. Yichao

*Dust

2008-03-09T22:46:00.002+08:00

Wow... long time no blog...

Ok some themes i wanna blog but never had the time to do so:-

1. Day for the underdogs - A day which sees Barnsley and Portsmouth post wins over the teams in their hottest forms, a day which sees malaysia GE having 'shock results'

2. Saying sorry - The purpose of the word

3. Purpose and ECO

Before i blog on these, here are some of the stuff i have to complete TONIGHT:-

1. Settling the stuff for Lifestyle (a new event which i've just joined):-
- Proposal for the GWR [impt!]
- Brainstorming for the budget, activities, contacts, logistics and programme (might need to do that tml)
- Contacting my team members! (Haha... all are like my seniors in university...)

2. Settling VAN:-
- Gathering Participants
- Some other planning stuff/ email [impt!]

3. Tutees' study programmes

4. Europe trip - compilation of itinerary and important data

Busy and tired...

2008-02-24T17:37:00.002+08:00

Things to do and look forward to for the next week
(with tuition intensity looking to be cut severely):-

1. Concentrate on my project... after a talk with my sis, i realised i shouldn't take it in terms of experience too much... shall really put in all my best efforts in the hope of achieving something out of the attachment
2. Start researching on ECO essay submission... those who know me will know what topic I will embark on... remember those days in the national library where we will read up voraciously on those topics haha(see below... qn 3 and 5 look so fun!!)
3. VMD's 1st meeting with Wilson this year + ECO VAN prep! (will be a fun event, just needs good planning!!)
4. Speakers list to be confirmed with Aaron... then can start embarking on participant management + sponsorship packages!
5. Some good movies coming up, if i've ever got the chance to watch one it will be great (packed-like-sardines schedule + hard to meet up with ppl)

Things to do now (with yet another tuition coming up later!!):
1. VAN invitation letters and poster (I'm really tired to do now argh... can't procrastinate further liao)
2. Essay structure (pinpoint issues to be researched later)
3. Read up on summer schools
4. Europe trip (group meeting + schedule breakdown in detail)

Ok... for the ECO essay submission (trials for some UN Youth Conference on environment, so it will be great opportunity for those who are interested in envt), I'm supposed to advertise for Wilson... anyone interested can ask me or tagboard me if u dunno me la...

Essay Topic

Choose one of the following topics. Your essay should contain specific examples or case studies from Asian countries (except Question 5).

Length of essay: Approximately 2000 words.

1. Sustainable Agriculture

Discuss three to four practices on how farmland is currently being used in a specific community. Subsequently, suggest how these practices can be carried out in a more sustainable manner.

2. Rural Development

Elaborate some trade policies of the local government and examine their impacts on the agricultural sector.

3. Land

Discuss the current measures taken to prevent land degradation as well as current rehabilitation programmes. How have these benefited the people and how sustainable are they?

4. Drought

Discuss ways on how water can be made more equitable and affordable.

5. Africa

Choose one issue from the list below. Illustrate the current scenario of Africa related to the chosen issue and suggest measures to tackle the relevant problems regarding the issue:
(a) Poverty reduction
(b) Health Priorities (e.g. HIV/AIDS, malaria)
(c) Global/ Regional market development

Selection Process

Phase 1 (Essay): Participants will submit an essay entry on the above stated topics.Assessment:- Writing Skills- Understanding(issues) skills- Reading Skills

Phase 2 (Workshops):Fifty selected participants will go through a series of workshops (for 4 weekends) on the thematic issues of CSD-16. Assessment:- Communications Skills- Networking Skills- Leadership Skills- Self Motivation Skills

Rules and Regulations

1. This contest is open to all youth (aged 17 to 25 as of 5th May 2008).

2. Participants can submit as many essay entries as they wish.

3. Each entry must include full particulars of the participant: (name, IC number, age, address, school/ institute, contact number, email address).

4. The organizer reserves the right to reproduce and/or use the submissions in any form they deem fit.

5. Judge’s final decision is final. Entries not conforming to contest rules will be disqualified.

6. Applicable to Singaporeans/PR only.

JIAYOU! GANBATTE!

Determination and ramblings

2008-02-17T01:07:00.005+08:00

Determined as I am, I will just fight on... despite all the obstacles ahead... Even though the fight may seem futile... but I am certain for once...

Haha... if one thinks a lot abt the picture, he will just suffer in unpronounced agony... yeps... And after reading janelle's entry, I felt inspired at once, to continue in the journey which has no future goals to attain (unlike those mentioned in the Lateral Leadership book haha)...

And one more thing I told the volunteers during VIP today: Do whatever u do, and know what u are doing. That way knowing the mid-term goals and future big goal to attain, you assess and see where u stand amidst the benchmarks... consequently, it will fuel your passion to strive ahead... and if one doesn't do something (worthwhile i mean, not the sort of sk that i've gone thru at times), he or she will never learn (aka do more, expose urself to more risks of mistakes, and learn more!) And I must say I have learnt a lot in ECO these months...

*

Next week will be a very busy week ahead... this week had been quite kind to me in terms of schedule, next one will be crazy!!! and had a great time in the family dinner just now... our contestants just din have luck in the Deal or no Deal... and it is not busy being Adrian Pang there when u are dealing with little kids... no wonder there is screening of potential contestants... but anyway all are great sports and we played well deep into the night (till like now)!

And huilan is right: overloading my work schedule to avoid some issues doesn't solve the problem at all... haha...

Back to ICES

2008-02-11T08:39:00.000+08:00

Well, this tactical break for me has been kind enough... visiting homes for the first day aka the ang pao collection day, had a great family day on Friday (considering how long it was when our entire family went out for a meal or a movie... I guess it was like in sec 4 or something?), but anyway I would not recommend kung fu slam dunk if u have watched shaolin soccer, the plot is exactly the same, a devout replica of the characters... So only watched it if you want to see jay chou and nothing else...

Had a good saturday doing so many things that I didn't have time to do for the past one month... jogging with my family (as part of the campaign to make my mum exercise!), playing lan with man (oh it rhymes... btw to clarify, joseph is NOT gay hahahah, everyone knows it), then it is BBO with YIWEN! haha... so great to play with her again cos it is SSC haha (ok, i'm gonna be despised by zb or some other peeps soon, but it is fun to play the system) ... then we have some VMD bai nian at minghui's house over at tampines... and at night sent xy off at the airport... ppl are flying off these days (shouheng just flew last week)

And for all the hiatus that zehan and I had for bridge over the past 1.5 months, we had it well compensated yesterday against mokymouse in the hs ho championships on sunday. With our miserable rankings, we had to start from all the way bottom... and contrary to our expectations, it turned out to be ok - defence was excellent, which meant we know what every move we made means; we made contracts which should be making; perhaps a few places in bidding which could be refined to find some odd slams, but nevertheless we found a 7NT quite effortlessly! (the other side stopped in 6H+1)... good that we did not forget about the stuff, except for a game that I was distracted for a contract which should have gone -1 instead of -2 (2 imps giveaway! it is always as close as ever considering the quality of the opposition...)

had class dinner after which saw me flustered some confusion between the two steamboat restaurant with an 80% resemblance in their names... i think all the running from one place to the other is even more than the sat morning jog... so eventually we had a fun time over there chit chatting and catching up...

ok... had a total of 8+7+6+5 (the numbers decrease by the day, if u realise) hours of sleep for the four days... and now it'll be back to the 4 per day scheme! hope i'll last the distance of 7 weeks (jo is luckier, it is only 2 weeks for her!)...

back to work!

New Year, New Hopes

2008-02-09T00:44:00.001+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year!

Time to move on! Thanks janelle btw!

Motivation

2008-02-04T22:16:00.000+08:00

Haha... today had a good chat with fellow pre-departure scholars at ICES and the forum team...

Well, both convos dwell on different stuff... one is how we are charting our future directions, the other is how we can manage to keep going in our fields despite juggling so many balls at the same time... haha... and i think the central point to both convos is passion and motivation...

I would be bluffing if I tell you that I have no complaints regarding the attachment, to be honest... Maybe it is sort of a character match, as echoed by the VJ friend (I'm really bad with names) and Amrik... One month into preparing solutions, using the machines, recording and manipulating the results and repeating the same whole sequences everyday all ALONE, I realised sometimes it can be to the breaking point...

Essentially I love to interact with ppl, understanding about lives, influencing people and helping others who are in need... and now it seems my mouth is sorta useless de... everyday at most say hi to those around u and everyone is so indulged in their own work, as though a slight disturbance will take them away from their final steps of the equation they are formulating (which i can say i really admire their spirit, and i think i appear like that too to the rest)... And that's where tiong soon's words come into play... about facebook being the place for those who are 'deprived' of social life (forgot his exact quote as well)... and i guess i have little time for that as well la, since i am under pressure to produce the relevant results in order to carry on... And sometimes it is scary to a certain extent... to see the PhDs and grad students mumbling incomprehensible words to their own... and of course, i'll start singing my own compositions to my own vials and beakers in my boredom (someone said that was scary too!)

But that doesn't mean I don't love research... It can be really fun when it's in a group, for one of the best times I had in JC was to be doing a project at DSI with huixuan and huiting... and it is still fun now cos I get to plan my own experiment, decide what to do next with consultation from the friendly mentors, and talk crap with fellow pre-departure scholars... and no job's perfect...

I shall give myself the next two months to decide... since I dun really understand my personality as well... but I know my direction ahead - and it was essentially same as Caleb, a MOE scholar... which is to be A Prof, doing research and at the same time educating the next generation!

A Place For Sweet Memories

the coming of a new year

Overseas education

Voting in five hours!

what i learnt about myself

Dissecting my thoughts

Politics Part 2

on politics

孙燕姿新歌 当冬夜渐暖

Emotional overload

I am a human after all

Feeling lazy

Reminder of what i shld be blogging

Joe McElderry - The Climb

The beginning of third year

a blog entry overdue

to you...

Random thoughts

Those days...

Recap on Lent term

Disappointed

Feeling uninspired

Failure and success

Random Musing

The True Nature of Friendship

Singapore's Education System

Reflections on 2009

Another song by me!

Friendships

Songs collection (Looping in my comp for days!)

Time flies indeed!

Recent happenings!!

Long neglected blog

End of exams!

Long time yet to blog

champions league semi finals

attachment

ESFJs... I think I fit into this category

Lent term - Easter Break

It's Earth Day

Homerton-Girton Run

my favourite song in sec 2

Some pictures in Ireland and Scotland... (and dun forget london too!)

In captive

random song

A first week that we got to enjoy at cambridge

Truncated song writing

Cycling culture

Cheer up!

For you

Pensive mood

Yes or No?

Bloggy mood!

对天空的眷恋

Looking at the stars

Last tuition

Random Thoughts

Slackest day of the week (1 tuition only!!!)

distance and perceptions

some thoughts about tuition

Quotes from InspireMe

Pensive mood

About returning to my old lifestyle

Europe trip! (UK, 9 Apr)

*Dust

Busy and tired...

Determination and ramblings

Back to ICES

New Year, New Hopes

Motivation

孙燕姿新歌当冬夜渐暖